A Good Reminder For When You're Down in the Dumps

(source)

 

 

 

It Might Be Worse

When the job on which you're toiling gets your goat;

When you curse the grip of poverty and such;

When existence seems to have you by the throat;

As you daily stagger onward in its clutch;

When it seems that Fate has nicked you good and hard

Where you've only known the run of Fortune's frowns;

When you figure with a curse Life could offer nothing worse,

Well, suppose that you'd been drafted by the Browns, Old Dog,

Just suppose that you'd been drafted by the Browns?

When they have you on the run across the trail;

When they copper every bet you try to make;

When you start out in the morning dull and stale,

And the boss begins to brand you as a fake;

When they double cross or slam you on the bean

In the dizzy whirl of Fortune's ups and downs---

Ere you figure with a roar Life has nothing worse in store,

Just suppose that you'd been drafted by the Browns, Old Dog,

Just suppose that you've been drafted by the Browns?

                                             Grantland Rice, 1913

More Baseball in Korea

You may remember a post I did a while back talking about a baseball game I went to in Korea. I went to another one about a week ago, and I wrote about that experience as well. Check it out if you're interested.

This post isn't just a link though. I also thought it would be a good place to share my observations about the Korean game.

For starters, I think one reason baseball is so popular in this country is because the games are usually pretty quick affairs, and that's despite tons of walks (more on that in a minute). Perhaps part of it is that the players don't waste tons of time between pitches fidgeting, the catcher and manager don't make endless trips to the mound, and the commercial breaks between innings are about a minute shorter. Here's an example of a commercial break so you can see for yourself:



In a way I feel like I'm living in the pre-expansion era in MLB, as there are currently only eight teams in the league (though there are plans to expand soon). Unlike the pre-expansion era though, there is a playoff system: The top four finishers are seeded. First #4 plays #3 in a best-of-three series, the winner of that series plays #2 in a best-of-five, and the winner of that plays #1 in a best-of-seven. There's also more fan involvement, where the crowd is hanging on every pitch, unlike modern MLB's more laid-back feel. This video is included in the link above, but I'll put it here to make it easier for you:



I've been trying to learn more about the Korean players this year, and one who's fun to watch is Choe Joon-Seok of the Doosan Bears. He reminds me of Pablo Sandoval. I don't know if the at-bat below would strike the western fan as significantly quicker than an MLB at-bat, but the pitcher is former Indian and Ray Mitch Talbot, an American, so that might be a factor.



I've never been much of an athlete, so I have little experience playing or coaching baseball, but I get the sense that the fundamentals are weaker among Korean players than they are in the U.S.A. It's probably understandable, as our country has a much longer history with the game, so I don't mean that as a knock on Korea. Whenever I watch a game it feels a lot less "smooth" than what I'm used to. The pitchers generally seem to have poorer control, the fielders often seem to get bad jumps on the ball, and errors seem a lot more frequent. In addition to the normal runs (R), hits (H) and errors (E) columns, they have one marked "B," presumably for bases on balls. I think they count hit-by-pitches in that column as well, but those are a distinct minority of the total. If you look at the game account I linked above, you can see that the two teams had 20 walks between them. I think it has more to do with poor pitching than patient batters.

Knowing what I do about Korean culture, I doubt that athletics are a field many parents want their kids going into, since the odds of making it big are slim. I'm hardly qualified to give a course on Korea, as I'm still learning about it myself, but I do know that Korea only recently became a developed country, and most people, particularly the older generation, don't take their security for granted. They want their sons and daughters to go into steady, respectable professions, and I'd imagine that sports don't fall into that category. Koreans love baseball, but it hasn't grown into the behemoth that MLB is in North America, so that would probably explain the relative lack of fundamental development.

I don't know what player salaries are like in Korea, but I'd imagine that these players aren't making the Korean equivalent of tens of millions. Admission to the games here in Gwangju is only 8,000 won (roughly eight U.S. dollars), and people are allowed to bring their own food into the stadium (which presumably cuts down on their revenue). There are concession stands, but I'm usually too focused on the game to visit them, so I can't tell you what the prices are. I'd assume though, that they aren't as astronomical as in America. Overall, I'm sure the players are well off financially, but they probably aren't loaded.

There are foreign-born players in the league, but from what I've read, there's a limit of two per team. It seems that teams prefer to use those roster spots on pitchers, as I don't think I've yet seen a non-Korean position player. Perhaps the reason for that is the low quality of pitching that I've already touched on.

Finally, one last charming thing about the Korean baseball league: the games are all played within a fairly small division of land, so it's about the size of an intrastate circuit. A few days ago there was a rainout...of all four scheduled games. It used to happen in the old-time minor leagues, but take my word for it: It still happens today.

The Worst of the Best

Baseball is nothing without its history, and MLB has 16 glorious franchises with over a century of it. Each one has its share of Hall of Famers, icons and fan favorites, none of whom will ever be forgotten. While the 14 expansion franchises that have come into existence since 1961 are all special in their own ways, they just can't compare to the slightly-misnamed "Original 16" in the history department.

It stands to reason then, that each one could boast a solid all-time starting nine. As with any list of things that are somehow quantifiable though, someone has to be the worst among them. I got to thinking: Of the sixteen franchises that existed at the beginning of the Modern Era, which ones would have the weakest players representing them at each position?

In order to find the answer, I needed to choose a "best player" at each position for each franchise. Obviously, choosing such a list requires a bit of subjectivity. To compile it, I used Baseball-Reference's WAR, and weighed various factors such as longevity, peak production and time spent at the position. What I ended up with wasn't perfectly scientific, but for this exercise, it'll do. I decided that no player could qualify for two positions, since that wouldn't feel like a true "lineup." In cases where a guy might qualify as the best at multiple positions, I attempted to put him at the position where he was best-suited. I also excluded pitchers from this study, so there'll only be eight guys listed here.

Who did I end up with? Let's take a look:

Catcher: Victor Martinez, Indians

The Indians have had several serviceable guys behind the plate, but none have been outstanding for a significant length of time. The best of these briefly-shining stars is Victor Martinez, currently on the Tigers' injured list. In 821 games, the three-time All-Star slugged 103 homers and had an OBP of .369 with a 120 OPS+. Not too shabby for a backstop who occasionally played first and DH.

First Base: John Kruk, Phillies

"Oh, come on!" I can hear you saying. "John Kruk? In the nearly 130-year history of the Phillies there was no better first baseman?" I'll tell you right now: nope. Check for yourself if you don't believe me. Honestly, it surprised me too. While many men played more games than the Krukker, I couldn't find anyone whose production justified ranking ahead of him. Ryan Howard has gaudier power numbers, but Kruk still beats him in 4+-WAR seasons (three to two so far, and highly likely to stay that way).

It's actually arguable whether Kruk is indeed the worst best first baseman among the Original 16. Fred Tenney (Braves franchise) had a lower peak value and career WAR/162 rate. The only reason he beats out Kruk is because he held down the position for his team about three times longer than Kruk did for his. Kruk's four seasons as primary first baseman is just long enough to qualify for this list, but not long enough to win many battles with his peers. With similar longevity, Kruk would beat out Tenney easily.

Second Base: Bobby Lowe, Braves

Second base and the Braves have a bit of an odd history. The keystone spot has been manned by Hall of Famers (Johnny Evers, Rogers Hornsby, Rabbit Maranville, Red Schoendienst), guys who put up random big seasons (Jack Burdock, Bill Sweeney, Marcus Giles) and guys with noteworthy accomplishments (Dan Uggla's hitting streak, Mark Lemke's postseason heroics), but none of the aforementioned has been good enough long enough to be the franchise's all-time second-sacker. That distinction goes to a steady, slick-fielding guy from the 1890's, Mr. Lowe.

If Lowe belongs in any of the above categories, it's "guys with noteworthy accomplishments," as he was the first player to it four homers in a game.

Third Base: George Kell, Tigers

When I was a kid I looked at George Kell's numbers in the Baseball Encyclopedia and wondered why he was in the Hall of Fame. It turns out the Hall was looking for more third baseman at the time he was elected, and Kell was not only a .300 hitter, but a popular broadcaster. It all made sense. While modern statistics suggest that Kell's spot in Cooperstown isn't warranted, it would be unfair to his legacy to ignore what a fine player he was in his seven-year tenure with Detroit (in the first and last seasons of which he was traded).

Interestingly, his closest competitor for the third base spot was another guy whose reputation has taken a hit thanks to modern statistics: Pie Traynor. Like Fred Tenney, his longevity was the only thing that saved him.

Shortstop: Jimmy Rollins, Phillies

Color me surprised yet again. While most of us would agree that Rollins is no all-time great, I didn't realize how weak he was compared to the other all-time franchise shortstops. Truthfully, after running the numbers, it wasn't even close. As he's still active, Rollins obviously has time to add to his resume, but considering he's 33 years old, it's probably a safer bet that he'll bring his averages down rather than up.

Left Field: Billy Williams, Cubs

Hoooooooooooo boy. It really hurts me to put a beloved Cub icon here. Any way you slice the WAR though, he seems to be the most appropriate choice. This is a position with some tough competition, and it just so happens that Sweet Swingin' Billy draws the short straw, even against such forgotten players as Sid Gordon and Bobby Veach. While his durability gave him a better career than many other all-time left fielders, his peak production failed to match up to any of them.

Center Field: Max Carey, Pirates

Another borderline-in-retrospect Hall of Famer joins the list. Carey's lofty stolen base totals made him a reasonable selection 50 years ago, but in these days of WAR, he looks more like a darn-good player than a great one.

Right Field: Magglio Ordonez, White Sox

Admit it: You never knew how poor the White Sox' history in right field was. I had a hard time choosing the man for the Chisox' starboard garden, since no one really stood out. Considering Ordonez's closest competitor was Floyd Robinson, it's clear that whoever I picked was going to end up making this lineup.

Ordonez is one of those players who might have been great had he drawn more walks and/or been a better fielder, but as it stands, he was merely a solid player who proved that a .300 batting average, 30 homers and 100 RBI don't make a great hitter.

Just for fun, let's create a batting order for these guys:

Carey, CF
Rollins, SS
Williams, LF
Ordonez, RF
Kruk, 1B
Martinez, C
Kell, 3B
Lowe, 2B
Pitcher

Undoubtedly, this lineup would make one heck of a team. Certainly one can't take inclusion here as a knock on any of them. In some cases, it speaks to the strength of the "Original 16" that these guys are the worst at each position.

Since I'm sure you're curious, here's a table of all the players I selected at each franchise's position.


One might quibble with some of my choices, but trust me, I couldn't find a clearly-better option for any of them.

But wait! There's more! As I was putting this post together, it occurred to me that there are several active players who could realistically find a place on the above chart someday. Theoretically, any young, unproven player could wind up as an all-time great, but more likely than not, he won't. The following guys have flashed enough potential that if you time-traveled ten years into the future, then came back and told me they'd comfortably displaced their predecessors, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Matt Kemp, Dodgers, Center Field

"What?" you ask. "You do realize the Dodgers' all-time center fielder is Hall of Famer Duke Snider, right?" I reply, "What kind of question is that? I put the above list together! Are you insinuating I have short-term memory loss?"

No, I'm being serious here. Matt Kemp was a solid, developing player until last year, when he morphed into a monster. After the hot start he's gotten off to this year, I think it might be time to say he's legit. Even if he doesn't consistently put up 10-WAR seasons, some seasons of 7 or more will keep him safely in superstar territory, and might be enough to overtake the Duke.

Andrew McCutchen, Pirates, Center Field

He's not as good as Kemp, but as I discussed above, the Pirates don't have the highest bar set for them in center. I could easily see him becoming the all-time Bucco middle fielder.  

Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox, Second Base

He's already about halfway to Bobby Doerr's WAR total, in much fewer than half the plate appearances. Speaking of war, you could also argue that Doerr deserves to lose credit for having perhaps his best year during World War II. The way Pedroia's going, he may only need a few more seasons to surpass him.

Carlos Santana, Indians, Catcher

Obviously it's a bit early to make any predictions, but Santana so far seems to be about the equal of Victor Martinez. He's a switch-hitter, he plays first base and DH occasionally, and heck, he even wears the same uniform number. It's not unreasonable to think he could eventually outperform him.

Joey Votto, Reds, First Base

One thing that surprised me during this study was the realization that many franchises have never had a truly elite player at a position for an appreciable length of time, despite many very good ones. The Reds and first base are one example. The position has been manned by Hall of Famers like Jake Beckley (who offered consistency but not a ton of peak value), Tony Perez, Jim Bottomley (probably neither of whom belongs in the Hall) and Frank Robinson (who didn't play there long enough to be a good choice). There were also high-average/medium-power guys like Frank McCormick, Hal Morris and Sean Casey, none of whom will be discussed as immortals. I went with Ted Kluszewski mainly because of his amazing five-year peak from 1952-56.

However, the Reds' current best player is a first baseman, and what's more, he's under contract for the next eleven years (with an option for a twelfth)! Joey Votto is 28 years old, and his spot on the field is apparently secure until the end of the decade. He has an MVP to his name, and has improved his WAR total every season he's been in the majors. Could he be the truly outstanding initial sacker that the Reds have been waiting for? For what they're paying him, they'd better hope so.  

Matt Wieters, Orioles, Catcher

Wieters' potential used to be something of an internet joke, but now it's finally translating into high-quality production. Chris Hoiles was probably a better player than you remember, but his career was too short and injury-riddled to be a great one. If Wieters can continue to live up to expectations, there'll be a new man on top of the O's all-time catcher list before long.

30 Teams, 30 Monkees Songs

Once again a new baseball season is upon us, so that can only mean one thing: theme song time! Who's the lucky artist this year? For 2010 it was Cheap Trick, for 2011 it was The Ramones, and for 2012 it is...The Monkees! The Monkees? Yes, The Monkees. The made-for-TV band that ended up putting an indelible mark on '60s pop music is a longtime favorite of mine, and I'll give 'em their due any day of the week! I also just want to say, for the record, that I had been planning to use The Monkees this year even before David Jones' untimely death, so this isn't an attempt to jump on any sort of nostalgia bandwagon. Let's begin, shall we?

NL West

Arizona Diamondbacks: "It's Not Too Late," Justus, 1996.

To buy tickets, that is! Despite winning the division last year, the Diamondbacks had more success on the field than at the gate. Even in the playoffs they had trouble selling out. Will the fans in Arizona be inspired to show up at the ballpark more often now that this team has proven its worth?

Colorado Rockies: "(I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone," More of the Monkees, 1967.

The Rockies aren't among the league's heaviest spenders, but doggone it, when they have stars, they lock them up. Carlos Gonzalez is signed through 2017, and Troy Tulowitzki is signed through 2021. Clearly the Rockies have no desire to be a high-level farm club for the big-money franchises.

Los Angeles Dodgers: "We Were Made For Each Other," The Birds, The Bees and The Monkees, 1968.

Frank McCourt is finally gone, and in his place is none other than...Magic Johnson? Believe it. Yes, Johnson made his name in a different sport, but he spent his entire pro career in L.A., and the beloved athlete's face brings a ton of marketability to the franchise. He's looking to put the Dodgers on equal footing with the Lakers popularity-wise, and if he succeeds, his own popularity might reach levels it hasn't seen in decades. If this goes the way they're hoping, it'll be a win for both sides.

San Diego Padres: "Changes," Missing Links, Volume Two, 1990.

New GM. New young first base prospect. New logo. New uniforms. The Padres tend not to generate much excitement outside of their home city, mostly due to the fact that they often seem like a bland, stale franchise, but they weren't content to twiddle their thumbs this offseason. The next major transition might be the one to a new owner.

San Francisco Giants: "All Alone in the Dark," Changes, 1970.

Brian Sabean seems to be the last GM left whose front office doesn't have any use for Sabermetrics. Not that it's stopped them from putting together a World Series Champion, of course, but I'm sure Giant fans can only wonder what type of team they'd have with a more stat-savvy guy at the top.

NL Central

Chicago Cubs: "You Just May Be the One," Headquarters, 1967.

Many front offices have come and gone on the north side of Chicago. For the last several decades they've have had the goal of ending a significant futility streak, and all have failed in their efforts. But what ho! Who is this that now runs the show? Why, it's Theo Epstein, the GM who helped bust the title drought in Boston! This guy knows a thing or two about long-suffering franchises, and he very well could be the man Cub fans have been waiting for to get that pesky monkey off their backs!

Cincinnati Reds: "Don't Call on Me," Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd., 1967.

The Reds had a closer. His name was Ryan Madson. Before Spring Training was over, Madson was lost to elbow surgery and a closer-by-committee was looking like the route they were taking. Who are the candidates? Sean Marshall (career 7-for-14 in save situations), Nick Masset (4-for-18), Bill Bray (3-for-11), Aroldis Chapman (1-for-4) and Jose Arredondo (0-for-9). When Dusty Baker dials the bullpen, he'd better hope someone reliable is waiting for him on the other end.

Houston Astros: "Bye Bye Baby Bye Bye," The Monkees Present, 1969.

After half a century of history in the Senior Circuit, the Astros will be playing their final season there this year. As the distinction between the two leagues is watered down before our very eyes, we can only use this season to say farewell to another beautiful tradition.

Milwaukee Brewers: "Good Clean Fun," The Monkees Present, 1969.

Oh, the drama! Ryan Braun has brought a great deal of enjoyment to the Milwaukee faithful with his on-field heroics, and until this offseason it was never questioned whether he had done so by illegal means. His failed PED test last December suddenly put a cloud of doubt over his 2011 MVP season, and it took an unprecedented overturning of a test result to get his name cleared. The Cream City rooters can now kick back and relax, knowing that the great time they're having watching this guy play is unsullied by questionable chemicals.

Pittsburgh Pirates: "Just a Game," Instant Replay, 1969.

In Pittsburgh, there are some sports that are a pretty big deal. Steelers football? Yeah, that's one's practically a religion. Penguins hockey? Yeah, that generates many a turnstile click. Pirates baseball? Well, considering this team is probably looking at its 20th straight losing season, how can we expect the Steel Citiers to take it that seriously?

St. Louis Cardinals: "Hard to Believe," Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd., 1967.

It still shocks and horrifies me that the Cardinals are the reigning champions. After losing Adam Wainwright for the season, squeaking into the playoffs on the last day and being one out away from losing the World Series in consecutive innings, they overcame all the odds, and by no means deservedly (hey, this is my blog, and I'm free to throw my editorial comments anytime I want). Baseball, though, is made to break your heart, and it never stops us from coming back for more. After losing Albert Pujols and Tony LaRussa and replacing them with Carlos Beltran and a skipper with no previous managerial experience, they probably shouldn't be expected to repeat. Then again, I'm the same guy who said last year that they had no chance of winning it without Wainwright. With this franchise you just never know. They have a certain knack for making you miserable.

NL East

Atlanta Braves: "Run Away From Life," Justus, 1996.

That final day of last season surely leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of the Braves. If they'd won, they could've forced a tiebreaker for a chance to go to the playoffs. The fact that they lost at home after 13 innings though? Ooh. That's gotta sting. Indeed, they were only a tally short of preventing their season's death in Game 162. So close, and yet, so far.

Miami Marlins: "Star Collector," Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd., 1967.

Jose Reyes. Mark Buehrle. Carlos Zambrano. Heath Bell. All have been All-Stars, all have joined the Marlins for the 2012 season. Aaron Rowand would've technically counted too, if he had made the team. No longer are the Marlins a "develop-'em-and-trade-'em-when-they-get-too-expensive" organization, but one that acquires the established players.

New York Mets: "Tear Drop City," Instant Replay, 1969.

When you think of big cities in America, you think of New York. While the Mets are digging themselves out of the hole they've found themselves in the last few seasons, they still have a long way to go. You never have to ask a Met fan twice to feel sorry for himself (sharing a city with the Yankees tends to make one lose perspective), so the eye water should be flowing all over certain parts of the U.S.'s largest metropolis.

Philadelphia Phillies: "Look Out (Here Comes Tomorrow)," More of the Monkees, 1967.

Things are still good in Philadelphia, but with their best players aging, a so-so minor league system and Ryan Howard eating up way too much payroll down the road, Phillie fans had better cling to the present day while it lasts.

Washington Nationals: "Take a Giant Step," The Monkees, 1966.

With a revamped rotation and some exciting young up-and-comers, the perennially-lower-tier Nationals are in a position to make some noise this year. If this franchise could make its first postseason appearance since 1981, it would truly be a sizable stride forward.

AL West

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: "I'll Spend My Life With You," Headquarters, 1967.

Did you see that contract they gave to Albert Pujols? Ten years as a player, then ten more years offering his services to the team, not to mention perks galore? By the time that thing expires the Cardinal portion of his career will be a distant memory. He'll be forever known as Albert the Angel (of Anaheim).

Oakland Athletics: "I Wanna Be Free," The Monkees, 1966.

Everyone knows the A's need to get out of Oakland Coliseum. Everyone knows a move to San Jose would make perfect sense. Unfortunately, everyone also knows the Giants aren't willing to concede their territorial rights to Silicon Valley. Right now the Athletics are pretty much stuck in their current situation. They see the waves out on the blue sea and can only look in envy.

Seattle Mariners: "All the King's Horses," Missing Links, Volume Two, 1990.

The last two years in King County, Washington have been noteworthy for their good starting pitching. Felix Hernandez won the Cy Young Award in 2010, their staff has been among AL leaders in innings pitched per start, and Cliff Lee, Erik Bedard, Michael Pineda and Doug Fister have all passed through. The Mariners are hoping their offense does a little more of the heavy lifting this year, but it'd be nice if they could continue getting strong contributions from their rotation.

Texas Rangers: "(I'd Go the) Whole Wide World," Pool It!, 1987.

The Rangers' international scouting is highly regarded in the industry. Their prized international signing this year is Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish, who could provide the team with the ace they need after losing C.J. Wilson. If there's a potentially useful player out there somewhere, the Rangers will track him down.

AL Central

Chicago White Sox: "Goin' Down," b-side, 1967.

The Sox went "All In" last year and failed to achieve results commensurate with the commitment. It led to Ozzie Guillen's firing at the end of the season, followed by the departures of Mark Buehrle and Carlos Quentin in the offseason. The Chisox don't have much in the way of youth, and the most noteworthy major leaguer they added over the winter was Kosuke Fukudome. I think it's safe to say that their place in the 2012 standings will be below that of their 2011 third-place finish.

Cleveland Indians: "I Don't Think You Know Me," Missing Links, 1987.

Fausto Carmona- er...Roberto Hernandez's false identity situation has been the biggest story of the Indians' offseason, and it's resulted in a reduced salary for the pitcher. Throw in the fact that Carmona- er, Hernandez has been wildly inconsistent throughout his career, and the Indians really have no idea what to expect from him if indeed he does play this season. Sigh...what are they gonna do with this guy?

Detroit Tigers: "Daddy's Song," Head, 1968.

Say, have you heard this little number before? The Tigers have a heavy-set first baseman named Fielder, and he even has a 50-homer season to his credit! It was true in the early-to-mid-'90s, and it's true once again. Many of us know about Prince Fielder's strained relationship with his father, but he's following in his footsteps regardless.

Kansas City Royals: "Nine Times Blue," Missing Links, 1987.

The Royals haven't had a winning record since 2003. While they play in a weak division and have several promising players, many of those youngsters are still developing, and there are plenty of holes elsewhere on the roster, like the pitching staff and the bottom of the order. While the future looks bright in K.C., the odds are good that this will be the ninth straight year without the Royals' hue of azure bringing over-.500 happiness.

Minnesota Twins: "Unlucky Stars," Justus, 1996.

Between Justin Morneau's career-threatening concussion, Joe Mauer's injuries that might move him out from behind the plate and Francisco Liriano's frequent health issues, the Twins haven't had the best of luck with their marquee players. If these guys can't be physically sound and performing at an optimal level, it looks like another long season is in store for Minnesota.

AL East

Baltimore Orioles: "Looking For the Good Times," The Monkees Present, 1969.

I think it's safe to say that the Orioles' fortunes simply haven't been all that good since they abandoned their old cartoon bird logo. Well, good news! That winsome little fellow is back, and the team now bears some resemblance to the O's of brighter days. Hey, it's a start.

Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees: "Pillow Time," The Monkees Present, 1969.

Are we officially Yankees-and-Red Soxed out? These teams are always winners because they can afford to throw money at just about any free agent they want, and it's a given that they're both going to be in the playoff hunt every year. Neither one has anything left to prove, and all the hype their "rivalry" generates is of little interest to anyone who's a fan of neither side. These two teams are supposed to be baseball's meal tickets, but let's face it: There's been nothing compelling about them for years. Throw in the fact that they're MLB's two slowest-paced teams and you've got a recipe for a snoozer anytime one of them is one the field. Are the mainstream media going to get the hint?

Tampa Bay Rays: "Sweet Young Thing," The Monkees, 1966.

Matt Moore is a kid with upside. He's got so much upside, in fact, that the Rays signed him to a deal that could potentially keep him in Tampa Bay for the next eight years. His time at the major league level has been thus far brief, but it's also been thus far brilliant. Truly, Friedman and Co. are high on this young man, and his performance in what should be his official rookie season is something people all over baseball are looking forward to.

Toronto Blue Jays: "Gettin' In," Pool It!, 1987.

The Blue Jays have had a pretty good team for much of the Wild Card era, but they've been unable to reach the playoffs due to the stacked division they play in. With the new second Wild Card, their chances of finding a spot in the postseason might be the best they've been since their 1993 title.

2011 ultimately went down in history as a nightmare, so the time has come for redemption! Teams, let's make 2012 one of the greatest seasons in history!

Ian Controls the Universe, Part 2

Some of you might remember a little post I did two months ago that allowed me to manipulate on-field results, namely by dictating the next ten World Series. It was a fun exercise, but you know...it just wasn't enough. Once you've tasted omnipotence, your hunger for more becomes insatiable.

I got to thinking...what if instead of just dictating the future I could dictate the past as well? What if I could go back in time and allow some teams to win the World Series that never did (and likewise prevent some teams from winning it)? After all, plenty of great players and teams never tasted the ultimate championship, and it's a darn shame. What if somehow I, and I alone, had the power to give it to them? What kind of guy would I be if I didn't at least consider it?

The only thing that gives me hesitation is the fact that there are many World Series champions that it's hard for me to picture not having won it, since almost every champion had at least one notable player who never won a championship anywhere else. If those teams hadn't won it in the first place, hey, that's that, but since they did, I'm in a position where I'm forced to take it away from them. By the time I'm done, perhaps a few all-time greats will have lost their only rings. As I fight back the tears though, I shall find the strength to act in the interests of the greater good!

Lest you think otherwise, I'll try to be somewhat fair. I'm not a fan of dynasties, but if a team was legitimately great for a significant period of time, I'll let 'em keep a few of those titles. For teams that have plenty of titles to spare though (I'm looking at you, New York Yankees), I think we can safely take a few of them away without hurting anybody.

Now that I've suddenly been granted this power (in my fictitious blog post world), here's how the new history of the World Series looks:

1903 Boston Americans over Pittsburg Pirates
1905 New York Giants over Philadelphia Athletics
1906 Chicago White Sox over Chicago Cubs
1907 Chicago Cubs over Detroit Tigers
1908 Chicago Cubs over Detroit Tigers
1909 Pittsburg Pirates over Detroit Tigers
1910 Philadelphia Athletics over Chicago Cubs
1911 Philadelphia Athletics over New York Giants
1912 Boston Red Sox over New York Giants

As you can see, I haven't changed a thing so far. I've got no real beef with any of these results, as they allowed some worthy teams to win championships, and some good storylines got to play out. The changes though, they're a-comin'!

1913 New York Giants over Philadelphia Athletics

The Philly A's didn't really need this one, and the 1911-13 Giants were worthy of at least one World Series championship.

1914 Boston Braves over Philadelphia Athletics

One of my favorite underdog stories. The Miracle Braves never had to sweat for a second.

1915 Detroit Tigers over Philadelphia Phillies
1916 Philadelphia Phillies over Boston Red Sox

In real life, the Tigers of Ty Cobb, Sam Crawford and Hughie Jennings are a sad omission from the list of World Series champs. The 1915 Bengals won more games than any other Detroit team from that era. The mid-1910's Phillies were an interesting yet relatively forgotten group. Both of them now get to taste the champagne.

1917 Chicago White Sox over New York Giants
1918 Boston Red Sox over Chicago Cubs
1919 Cincinnati Reds over Chicago White Sox
1920 Cleveland Indians over Brooklyn Robins
1921 New York Giants over New York Yankees

Another stretch of results I'm fine with.

1922 St. Louis Browns over St. Louis Cardinals

While the Browns are still mostly remembered today for their lack of success, they now have one flag that flies forever. Not only was the 1922 club probably the best St. Louis Browns team, it was arguably better than the Yankee team that beat it out for the pennant. Such an injustice no longer exists.

As you can also see, the famous all-St. Louis World Series happened 22 years earlier than in real life, this time without war-depleted rosters. The actual '22 Cardinals, led by a monster year from Rogers Hornsby, stayed in the race most of the season before fading in August. This time they held on long enough to reach the October promised land.

1923 New York Yankees over New York Giants
1924 Washington Senators over New York Giants
1925 Pittsburgh Pirates over Washington Senators
1926 St. Louis Cardinals over New York Yankees
1927 New York Yankees over Pittsburgh Pirates
1928 New York Yankees over St. Louis Cardinals
1929 Philadelphia Athletics over Chicago Cubs
1930 Philadelphia Athletics over St. Louis Cardinals
1931 St. Louis Cardinals over Philadelphia Athletics
1932 New York Yankees over Chicago Cubs
1933 New York Giants over Washington Senators
1934 St. Louis Cardinals over Detroit Tigers
1935 Detroit Tigers over Chicago Cubs

At this point you're probably saying "Come on, man! You've hardly changed anything! Is there really a point to me reading this?", to which I must reply: "You have a legit gripe, but there's method to my lack of madness." I'm fair enough to concede that most of these teams deserved to win it, but even more importantly, certain teams wouldn't be so much fun to hate if they didn't have so many championships. Folks, I'm just a-settin' 'em up to bring 'em down later! You know that Yankee dynasty that's at hand? Check out what happened instead!

1936 Chicago Cubs over New York Yankees

The Cubs got revenge for 1932, and the fine Cubbie club of Hack, Herman, Hartnett, Cavarretta, Root and Warneke got a championship.

1937 Chicago White Sox over New York Giants

The not-great-but-more-interesting-than-they-often-get-credit-for Pale Hose club of Appling, Lyons and Dykes got a championship.

1938 Pittsburgh Pirates over New York Yankees

The "Homer in the Gloamin'" never happened, and the fine Buccaneer club of Vaughan and the Waner brothers got a championship.

1939 New York Yankees over Cincinnati Reds
1940 Cincinnati Reds over Detroit Tigers

That '39 Yankee team's legacy was too great to be erased, and those Reds were a charming little club too.

1941 Brooklyn Dodgers over New York Yankees

In real life '55 was a massive relief, but I figured there was no reason Brooklyn's first title couldn't have happened sooner. With significantly different personnel than in the "Boys of Summer" era, the '41 Dodgers can be thought of as a unique group.

1942 St. Louis Cardinals over Boston Red Sox

Too many Yankee World Series losses makes them somewhat pitiable. There shall be none of that in my narrative! The Ted Williams Red Sox won their first pennant this year, only to lose to an outstanding Cardinal team.

1943 New York Yankees over St. Louis Cardinals

Like I've been saying, the Yankees need to keep some of their titles to remain legitimately hatable. This result stands.

1944 Detroit Tigers over Pittsburgh Pirates

The '45 team got its ring a year earlier, led by twin aces Hal Newhouser and Dizzy Trout. The Browns don't feel gypped, as their title in '22 is much more meaningful than one won by a bunch of wartime scrubs would've been. The Tigers also got to avenge their World Series loss in 1909, for good measure.

The '44 Pirates were a distant second in real life, but they had some better luck this time, and Rip Sewell's "Eephus" pitch received a showcase in the Fall Classic.

1945 Washington Senators over Chicago Cubs

Few realize how close Washington came to getting a title during the wartime years. I decided to let them have it.

1946 Boston Red Sox over St. Louis Cardinals

Ted Williams' greatest club is way more interesting than another boring old St. Louis championship.

1947 Boston Braves over New York Yankees

There was no way I was going to deny the '48 Indians their title, but I've always liked the Billy Southworth-era Braves, and if they couldn't have '48, '47 wasn't a bad consolation prize. MVP Bob Elliott truly had a season for the ages.

1948 Cleveland Indians over Boston Braves
1949 New York Yankees over Brooklyn Dodgers

Like I said above, the '48 Indians were too great a story to deny them their title. The '49 Yankees had a good enough story (overcoming injuries and such) that I let them keep their championship.

1950 Philadelphia Phillies over Detroit Tigers

The "Whiz Kids" got the ring, and the Red Rolfe Tigers who came so close to toppling the Yankees got to play in the World Series.

1951 New York Giants over New York Yankees

After "The Shot Heard 'Round the World" you'd better believe those Giants completed their destiny.

1952 New York Yankees over Brooklyn Dodgers

You know my reasoning. Let's move on...

1953 Brooklyn Dodgers over New York Yankees

The '53 team was better than the '55 team, and it included notables such as Billy Cox and Preacher Roe, who missed out two years later in real life.

1954 Cleveland Indians over New York Giants

The Giants got theirs in '51, so the 111-win Indians are now remembered as one of the all-time great championship teams.

1955 Chicago White Sox over Brooklyn Dodgers

After getting '53 the Dodgers didn't need '55. The Go-Go White Sox deserved a ring, and '55 allowed them to get it with Minnie Minoso and Chico Carrasquel included.

1956 Cincinnati Redlegs over Cleveland Indians

The Redlegs tied the 1947 Giants' team homer record and their roster included several classic Cincy players like Kluszewski, Bailey, McMillan, Temple, Post, Bell, Lawrence and Nuxhall. There was also a prized rookie named Frank Robinson who contributed 38 homers to the team total, and they were managed by one of my personal favorite semi-obscure baseball lifers, Birdie Tebbetts. Such an interesting bunch sure looks nice among history's champions.

I threw the Indians another pennant too, resulting in the first all-Ohio World Series.

1957 Milwaukee Braves over New York Yankees
1958 New York Yankees over Milwaukee Braves

The '57 Braves are one of my all-time favorite champions, and they get to remain as such. The '58 Yankees? Well, like I've been saying...

1959 Chicago White Sox over Milwaukee Braves

Confession time: I have a rooting interest the White Sox, although really, I'm a fan of the game first and my teams second. Was I too generous by giving the Go-Go Sox a second title in five years?

Sorry, but I couldn't not give 'em this one. I've always loved the '59 team, and unlike the '55 team, this one included Hall of Famers Wynn and Aparicio (borderline selections, I know, and champions with other clubs in this alternate world, I know, but Hall of Famers nonetheless), and truly-legit Hall of Fame manager Al Lopez. Baseball deserves to have them win the ring in '59.

Oh, and I thought it'd be nice to have an All-Northern-Midwest Series too. The Aaron-Mathews-Spahn Braves are now even more dynastic than in real life.

1960 Pittsburgh Pirates over New York Yankees

A storybook title that only a hard-hearted tyrant would've erased from history.

1961 New York Yankees over Cincinnati Reds

Like I've been saying...

1962 San Francisco Giants over New York Yankees

In the immortal words of Charlie Brown, "Why couldn't McCovey have hit the ball just three feet higher?" Whaddaya know? In this universe he did!

1963 Los Angeles Dodgers over New York Yankees
1964 St. Louis Cardinals over Baltimore Orioles

I didn't begrudge the '63 Dodgers and the '64 Cards their titles. I decided to throw in the first Baltimore Orioles pennant just for the fun of it though. The Battle of the Birds made a good gimmick for the media.

1965 Minnesota Twins over Los Angeles Dodgers

Those Twins are one of my favorite World Series losers.

1966 Baltimore Orioles over Pittsburgh Pirates

I'm fine with the real-life winner, but there were too dang many of those Dodger pennants floating around. The '66 Pirates were a fine squad, so now the World Series history between these two franchises starts five years earlier.

1967 Boston Red Sox over San Francisco Giants

"The Impossible Dream" is completed! However, since I didn't want anyone to feel too sorry for the Cardinals, someone else had to get the privilege of losing the World Series. Lo and behold, the Mays-McCovey-Marichal Giants have now bagged their second pennant!

1968 Detroit Tigers over St. Louis Cardinals

The '68 Tigers have another one of those stories that was just too perfect to erase from history.

1969 Chicago Cubs over Baltimore Orioles

I'm sure Met fans are cursing me right now, but hey, this is my world. The Banks-Jenkins-Santo-Williams Cubs deserved a ring, and now they've got it.

1970 Baltimore Orioles over Cincinnati Reds
1971 Pittsburgh Pirates over Baltimore Orioles

I was cool with these, especially with the Pirates avenging '66.

1972 Chicago White Sox over Cincinnati Reds

I'm sure I've set myself up for some serious accusations of White Sox bias. Dick Allen seriously needed a ring though. There was also the whole 1919 rematch angle. What can I say? It works.

1973 New York Mets over Oakland A's

All the Met fans who cursed me for taking away '69 can take solace in the fact that the "You Gotta Believe" team won it instead of the "Miracle" team. Tom Seaver won't end his career without a championship he deserves, and other Met favorites like Matlack and Staub got to be included. I suppose it might seem heartless of me to take away Nolan Ryan's only ring, but fear not. He'll get his eventually...

1974 Oakland A's over Los Angeles Dodgers

And finally Charlie O.'s Swingin' A's have their ring.

1975 Cincinnati Reds over Boston Red Sox

And finally the Big Red Machine has its ring.

1976 New York Yankees over Philadelphia Phillies

Whoa, whoa, WHOA. Hold the phone. Did I actually give the Yankees a title they didn't win in real life? You bet I did. Why? Well, personally speaking, I've never been a big fan of the "Bronx Zoo" Yankees, but I'll give 'em credit for being a fine ballclub. While Reggie Jackson is the most well-remembered player from that era, some people don't realize that they were already a pennant-winner before he and his massive ego joined them. In a way, that '76 team is the most interesting of the Bronx Zoo period. Yes, it was built by financial power to a large degree, but it was before George Steinbrenner went off the deep end with his spending. I figured the '76 club could have the title and future editions could drown in their self-importance.

Oh yeah...since the Big Red Machine got its title, I let the Paul Owens Phillies add another pennant to their collection.

1977 Los Angeles Dodgers over Kansas City Royals

When the real-life Dodgers won it in '81, it was a redemption for all the times they'd come up short. They don't need redeeming though, now that they've gotten their title in '77. In this case, Dodger icon Don Sutton and famous surgery namesake Tommy John got to join in the fun.

Also, the Whitey Herzog Royals now have a World Series appearance to their name.

1978 Milwaukee Brewers over Los Angeles Dodgers

'82 was great, but Molitor, Yount, Cooper, Oglivie, Thomas and Gantner (no, he wasn't much of a slugger, but he was a longtime Brewer favorite) were all part of the team in '78 too. "Bambi's Bombers" surprised a lot of people by emerging as contenders that year, and here they rode the magic all the way to the end of October.

1979 Pittsburgh Pirates over Baltimore Orioles
1980 Philadelphia Phillies over Kansas City Royals

Come on, man, the "We Are Family" Pirates were just too cool to take away. 1980 worked out well for the Paul Owens Phillies to win their lone World Series too. I decided to let these be.

1981 Montreal Expos over Oakland A's

No longer is my heart broken because the Expos had such a good organization for so many years and never got so much as a pennant to show for it. The '81 team came the closest in real life, and also featured the strongest mix of Montreal's most famous players (Dawson, Raines, Carter, Rogers, Wallach). They were the best choice to represent Montreal in the title department.

Billy Martin may have overworked his young pitchers on the A's for a brief flash of success, but hey, at least it paid off with a pennant!

1982 St. Louis Cardinals over Milwaukee Brewers
1983 Baltimore Orioles over Philadelphia Phillies
1984 Detroit Tigers over San Diego Padres
1985 Kansas City Royals over St. Louis Cardinals
1986 New York Mets over Boston Red Sox

All good stories, all worthy champions. I left them alone.

1987 San Francisco Giants over Minnesota Twins

Giant fans have always seemed particularly fond of the Roger Craig era. While the real-life '87 Twins gave some good players their only rings (Frank Viola, Gary Gaetti, perhaps Don Baylor, though he might have gotten one with the '70 Orioles, Jeff Reardon, though in this world he got one with the '81 Expos), they still were one of the weakest champions ever, and besides that, several of the same core players (Kirby Puckett, Kent Hrbek, Greg Gagne) were part of the much-better '91 squad. Sorry, Metrodome denizens. San Fran gets this title and you get yours in four years.

1988 Los Angeles Dodgers over Oakland Athletics

Speaking of weak championship teams, I let the Dodgers keep this one. Kirk Gibson and Orel Hershiser made them worthy of their place in history.

1989 Oakland Athletics over Chicago Cubs

LaRussa's Athletics now have theirs. The Cubs got a piece of the World Series action instead of the less-hungry Giants, however, and the Loma Prieta earthquake is now of lesser consequence to baseball, since the Series was in Chicago when it hit. Perhaps if the Series had returned to Oakland there might have been some issues.

1990 Cincinnati Reds over Oakland Athletics
1991 Minnesota Twins over Atlanta Braves

I was perfectly happy with both results. I didn't change them.

1992 Toronto Blue Jays over Pittsburgh Pirates

It goes without saying that I was only going to let one of the two Toronto teams keep its title. I decided the '92 team had more unique quintessential Blue Jays (Jimmy Key, Kelly Gruber, Tom Henke, Manuel Lee, Dave Stieb, Rance Mulliniks), so I went with them (sorry, Tony Fernandez!). As for their opponent, I let the Barry Bonds Pirates get at least one pennant, and I prevented them from being saddled with the memory of Francisco Cabrera ('cause no one deserves that).

1993 Philadelphia Phillies over Chicago White Sox

This year was the toughest choice for me. The Blue Jays got theirs in '92, so they didn't need this one. I had the Braves winning in '95 so that Chipper Jones could be a contributor. The Expos were a contender in '93 and might've been a cool winner, but they really didn't look like a championship-caliber club. If I'd let the White Sox win another World Series I probably would've gotten complaints about homerism (maybe I'm being too self-conscious about that). The Giants winning would've allowed Barry Bonds to get a ring, but after '87 I felt they could live without it.

That left us with the Phillies, the "Animal House" cast of rough-hewn characters. Since I allowed the Gashouse Gang to win it, I could allow them to win it too. As a Sox fan I would've loved to see them win the whole shebang, but in the interest of fairness, I only let them have the AL pennant.

1995 Atlanta Braves over Cleveland Indians
1996 New York Yankees over Atlanta Braves

It's all good.

1997 Florida Marlins over Baltimore Orioles

The '97 Marlins had many veterans that I was happy to see get rings. It was a shame that in real life they had to get them at the expense of the Indians though, so now they victimized the Orioles instead.

1998 San Diego Padres over New York Yankees

The scrappers from San Diego pulled off a massive upset, they did.

1999 Cleveland Indians over Atlanta Braves

The Mike Hargrove Indians finally got their title, as well as revenge for 1995.

2000 Seattle Mariners over New York Mets

The 2001 World Series was a classic, so I wasn't going to mess with it. That left me with the dilemma of the 116-win 2001 Mariners though. My solution: Give Seattle the 2000 title to take comfort in when they fall short the next year.

So how do you like that? After trading away franchise icon Ken Griffey Jr. these guys finally won the whole thing. Who would've thought?

2001 Arizona Diamondbacks over New York Yankees
2002 Anaheim Angels over San Francisco Giants

Both champions still feel like teams of destiny.

2003 Chicago Cubs over New York Yankees

The Prior/Wood Cubs capitalized during their tragically brief window of opportunity, and those abominable Marlins are all but forgotten today.

2004 Boston Red Sox over St. Louis Cardinals
2005 Chicago White Sox over Houston Astros

Two more stories I couldn't imagine not having as part of baseball history.

2006 Detroit Tigers over New York Mets

The Cardinals? Yeah, I remember them. They won 83 games this year. Why do you ask?

2007 Colorado Rockies over Boston Red Sox
2008 Tampa Bay Rays over Philadelphia Phillies

They were teams of destiny, I tell you!

2009 Philadelphia Phillies over Minnesota Twins

It was a shame to take away the '08 Phillies' title, but no worries, they got '09. MVP Joe Mauer finally helped the Twins beat the Yankees in the Division Series, and he carried them all the way to the World Series.

2010 San Francisco Giants over Texas Rangers

I know I've been pretty generous to the Giants, but what the heck. The 2010 team was worthy.

2011 Texas Rangers over Milwaukee Brewers

The Rangers got the title they deserved last year, Nolan Ryan got his ring, and the Brewers were rewarded with a pennant for going all in. Since the Brew Crew won it in '78, it didn't hurt as much to lose the World Series as it would've if they'd never won it before. Optimal result? You bet it is.

As I said last time, I realize that my scenarios are absurdly unrealistic, but hey, a mere mortal like me isn't inclined to use omnipotence to maintain predictability. If I had my way, the Rangers would be entering this season trying to be the first team since the 1929-30 Athletics to repeat. Is that ridiculous or what?

So how does the distribution of pennants and championships look now?

Franchise      WS   PEN

Yankees        12    27
Giants          8    17
White Sox       7     9
Athletics       6    14
Cardinals       6    14
Tigers          6    12
Pirates         6    11
Red Sox         6    11
Cubs            5    13
Dodgers         5    12
Phillies        5     9
Reds            5     9
Braves          4    10
Orioles         4     9
Twins           4     8
Indians         4     6
Mets            2     4
Brewers         1     3
Royals          1     3
Padres          1     2
Rangers         1     2
Angels          1     1
Blue Jays       1     1
Diamondbacks    1     1
Mariners        1     1
Marlins         1     1
Nationals       1     1
Rays            1     1
Rockies         1     1
Astros          0     1

Poor Astros. They're the only ones I couldn't find a title for, but hey, 29 out of 30 ain't bad. At least the Astros give us an underdog team we can all pull for. Overall, I'm pleased with these results. The Yankees are still hatable without being wearyingly loathsome, and the teams with the richest histories still manage to find themselves at the top. If there's any significant stratification, it divides the expansion teams from the "Original 16," which is hardly objectionable.

If only my fantasy were reality. Why don't the people in charge of the universe hire me?