Top Ten Baseball-Reference Sponsorships: 2013 Edition

Another year, another exhaustive scouring of Baseball-Reference! Like last year, the pickings were a bit slim, but there were still some good ones to highlight. Let's not waste time with chatter, let's get to the list! After all, that's why you're here, isn't it?


10. Dae-Sung Koo

Mr. Koo's Wild Ride sponsor(s) this page.

Mr. Koo was awesome because of one thing: his ringing double off of Randy Johnson and the ensuing trip around the bases. It's the most improbable baseball thing you may ever see and our lives are all better for it having happened.

As a fan of Korean baseball and a lover of the underdog, I had to find out what this was all about. Fortunately, there's a video of it on YouTube, so why don't I just embed it?



The 35-year-old who'd spent his career in DH leagues and had a platoon disadvantage against a future Hall of Famer indeed registered a double and later took home on a heads-up play. You always love it when these guys get their moments.

One annoying thing about that video though...Joe Buck. His name in Korean is 구대성. It'd be pronounced "Day-Sung Koo," not "Die-Sung Koo." Doesn't anyone know how to read?


9. 1886 Washington Nationals

A Fan of the Site sponsor(s) this page.

Only in Washington can a team feature 2 future Hall-of-Famers and finish with this poor of a record! Congrats to Hank O'Day, HOF 2013!

Washington is indeed known for its misuse of resources. But in fairness, O'Day got in as an umpire, and the other Hall of Famer (Connie Mack) got in as a manager, so they probably couldn't have been expected to have contributed that much to a winning cause. Still, a .233 winning percentage is pretty bad. Much worse than the 1966 Cubs'.


8. Bill Lee

Spaceman League sponsor(s) this page.

You're supposed to sit on your ass / And nod at stupid things / Man, that's hard to do. / And if you don't, they'll screw you. / And if you do they'll screw you too.

The late Warren Zevon's brief tribute to one of baseball's biggest flakes is always worthy of a quote. Heck, since I'm embedding YouTube videos here, why not do another one?





7. Brad Wilkerson

Justin Glessner --- The worst at fantasy advice sponsor(s) this page.

Brad Wilkerson is my Napoleon's Russia for fantasy baseball. He's the epitome of my fantasy failures. He's the forbidden fruit I sought, only to be doomed to an eternity of inept managerial skills.

I've never been able to get into fantasy sports. I just care too much about who wins and loses to worry about some individual guy's numbers. At least Mr. Glessner here elevates discussion of fantasy sports to a semi-literate tone, an area in which we can surely agree fantasy sports discussion is lacking.



6. 2004 Milwaukee Brewers

The Brew Crew Project sponsor(s) this page.

Ben Sheets had a career year and Milwaukee was introduced to Russell Branyan. As long as you ignore the second half, 2004 was a pretty good season.

I'm not sure whether this was intended to be humorous, but it strikes me as such. In the same vein, as long as you ignore my lack of frequent updates and the fact that most of my content is frivolous, I think I have a pretty good blog here.


5. Dick Tidrow

Friends of the Message Board at Bleacher Nation sponsor(s) this page.

Dick Tidrow's beer is made from the fermented tears of everyone he comes in contact with. When Dick Tidrow squints, people cry. Come join the Message Board at Bleacher Nation for more discussions of beer, tears, Dick Tidrow, and, most of all, Chicago Cubs baseball!

Dick Tidrow is becoming the latest Chuck Norris, I see. Couldn't happen to a more worthy guy.



4. Ronald Belisario

A Fan of the Site sponsor(s) this page.

Noriega's face. 80's Robin William's nose. Kevin Brown's sinker.

I had to give this one points for creativity. "A Fan of the Site" must be one of those scientists who breaks compounds down into individual elements.



3. Clay Zavada

Michelle and Shane / Southern Comfort Blues Band sponsor(s) this page.

I have an overwhelming desire to draw mustaches on the current pictures of Clay Zavada!

You remember Clay Zavada, right? That guy who had a pretty good year for the Diamondbacks in 2009?

Nice facial hair, huh? So just what does Clay Zavada look like now?

Jonathan Silverman's baseball dreams finally come true!


2. Otis Nixon

Steve Treder sponsor(s) this page.

On behalf of Robert in Manhattan Beach, who says that Otis Nixon fulfilled two of his teenage fantasies, making "the catch" and nailing Pebbles. With those lines on his resume, other stuff can be overlooked.

Robert in Manhattan Beach sure has some odd fantasies. But yes, crack cocaine usage is mitigated by such achievements.


1. Jeff Reboulet

Chris Mueller, 93.7 The Fan Pittsburgh sponsor(s) this page.

"I was capable of playing every damn position on the field, and my mustache was rugged, yet classy. Let's see an advanced statistic track those intangibles." ---Jeff "JReb" Reboulet

I had to make this one #1, because when I read it, it put a smile on my face. I never knew much about Jeff Reboulet when he played, but he seems like a chap with a good sense of humor and a sharp wit. Hats off to you, Mr. Reboulet, for giving us a quote that deserves to be preserved.


And there you have it for 2013. I hope that 2014 will bring us a fresh crop of entries that are worth highlighting here. Sponsor some pages, everyone!

Top Ten Baseball-Reference Sponsorship Messages: 2012 Edition

It's that time of year again! Award season? Well yeah, there's that, but there's also Baseball Junk Drawer's annual Top Ten Baseball-Reference Sponsorships post!

Compiling this year's list proved a bit easier than in previous years, because most of those junky keyword link ads on the $2 pages haven't been renewed, so I didn't have to slog through a billion of them this time. In this down economy though, it seems fewer people like throwing around money on funny sponsorship messages, so the pickings were also a bit slimmer than in years past. I'm happy with each of the Top Ten, but there aren't any truly worthy honorable mentions this time.

Before I inadvertently convince you not to read this post, I think we ought to jump into the list and appreciate what we've got.

10. Jersey Bakley

St. Michael's Anglican Church sponsor(s) this page.

Come join us! Traditional 1928 Prayer Book Anglican Worship. Near Uptown Charlotte. Fr. Rich "Jersey" Bakley, Rector

It's hard to say why this one struck my fancy. I guess the suggestion that a North Carolina clergyman just happens to share a nickname and surname with a journeyman pitcher from the 19th Century second-tier major leagues was worthy of a grin.


9. Dock Ellis

Benjamin Armstrong sponsor(s) this page. sponsor(s) this page.

I started having a crazy idea in the fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire, and once I thought I was pitching a baseball to Jimi Hendrix, who to me was holding a guitar and swinging it over the plate.

Not that this shows especial creativity on the part of the sponsor, but it's a heck of a great quote from Ellis himself about his no-hitter allegedly pitched on LSD. I've never done drugs, but based on conversations with people who have, I have to wonder if Ellis took some creative license with this recounting of events. Either way it's an entertaining thought.

Additionally, the odd repetition caused by the appearance of the phrase "sponsor(s) this page" as part of the sponsor's name adds to the overall drug-addled feel of this message.


8. Byron Browne

Mike Friedman sponsor(s) this page.

One of the answers to the question of how a team with five Hall of Famers can finish last.

Ah, the 1966 Chicago Cubs. They employed Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Billy Williams, Fergie Jenkins, Robin Roberts, and some replacement-level guy in left field. It might seem unfair to pick on Mr. Browne, but as Mr. Friedman acknowledges, he's only one of the factors in that team's failure.


7. Turkey Gross

NotGraphs sponsor(s) this page.

Turkey Gross did not care for Thanksgiving.

Oh, what a groaner...but perfect for the early second half of November!


6. Randy Tomlin

Wicked slider that Aryeh Bak couldn't touch. sponsor(s) this page.

Randy Tomlin: forever my hero after striking out Aryeh Bak 22 times in one game on Sega Genesis 1993 Tony La Russa Baseball. The look of frustration on Aryeh's face still comforts me today.

Ah, video game memories. There ain't nothin' like 'em, and they last a lifetime. They're the closest things we unathletic schlubs ever get to glory on the field. Lots of guys who were obscure in real life have become immortals via the hallowed console. My brother still reveres Greg Hibbard for his amazing control in Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball.

On a similar note...


5. Jeff Plympton

Dave Pasquantonio sponsor(s) this page.

I wasn't much of an athlete in high school. But my top athletic moment was hitting a double off of Jeff in Babe Ruth baseball. He could throw heat. I'm really glad he made it to the majors!

Mr. Pasquantonio cheered for another player's success for a purely selfish reason, namely that it gave him bragging rights. Not that I'm faulting him for it. If you could say you once got an extra-base hit against a future major league pitcher, wouldn't you want to be able to?

It's the same reason I've been rooting for Brian Schlitter to become a star. I was at his major league debut, and I want to be able to say I was there when it all began. So far that hasn't been working out too well.


4. Cannonball Titcomb

Salva Veritate sponsor(s) this page.

I have nothing to plug. I just hope you are as happy as I am that this player existed.

Cannonball Titcomb. If you break it down into four individual words it can be understood in several different permutations, each of them appealing to the junior high kid in us all. Salva Veritate indeed.


3. Bris Lord

Jay Wolfe - Rude Island Baseball Congregation sponsor(s) this page.

Bless this man - The King of all Mohels!!!

I'm not Jewish, but thanks to "Weird Al" Yankovic's song "Pretty Fly (For a Rabbi)" I'm familiar with the terms "mohel" and "bris." The idea that the old Human Eyeball actually performs circumcisions in a superlative fashion is quite clever.

It looks like this one just expired, so I caught it in the nick of time.


2. Lou Whitaker

Mark Edie sponsor(s) this page.

Roberto Alomar: 2320 g at 2B, 116 OPS+, 63.5 WAR, 7 teams. Famous misdeed: Spat at umpire. Result: 2nd-ballot HOFer. Sweet Lou: 2308 g at 2B, 116 OPS+, 69.7 WAR, 1 team. Famous misdeed: Forgot uniform at 1985 ASG. Result: 2.9% of HOF vote. Go figure...

When I first saw this one, I thought it was brilliant, and I knew it would likely rank high on this list. With the recalculated WAR, Whitaker's lead is now even larger: 71.4 to 62.9. While Alomar is a worthy Hall of Famer in my view, I always thought he was a tad overrated all the same.


1. Dick Fowler

Rob Morton sponsor(s) this page.

Worst 1-on-1 basketball opponent ever.

I glossed over this sponsorship when I happened across it a while back, thinking it was some sort of inside joke or something. The next time around it hit me. Ahhhh-hahahahahahahahaha! Rob Morton, you are one clever cat.


While I'm happy to include each of these sponsorships here, I wish they had had more competition (since Marvin Benard's legendary sponsorship has been ineligible since 2009). Step up to the plate, folks, and sponsor a page! I want wit, I want insight, I want relatability! Let's make the 2013 edition the best one yet!

The Best Baseball-Reference Sponsorships, 2011 Edition

Is it that time of year already? Well, the calendar says mid-November, so clearly it is! Yes, friends, it's time for Baseball Junk Drawer's annual list of the best Baseball-Reference sponsorship messages! Two years ago the first one earned me my 15 minutes of fame, and its followup last year fared respectably on the old hit counter. Regardless of how many readers they get me though, I love putting these things together, because they're just so doggone fun.

As always, entries that made the cut in previous years' editions are ineligible this time around. Fortunately for us, this year's crop of newcomers stepped up to the plate and delivered. Let's see what fine treats 2011 brought us, shall we?

10. 2009 New York Mets

MetsChokeAgain sponsor(s) this page.

At least this team decided to blow the season BEFORE Sept 1. We missed the drama and the obligatory September collapse and choke. M(y) E(ntire) T(eam) S(tinks)

The first time I read this it sounded to me like the ranting of a bitter Met fan. In that sense, the message works. After being eliminated from the playoffs on the last day of the season two straight years, the 2009 Mets mercifully decided not to dangle any hope in front of their fans. This frustrated Citi Field loiterer bemoans his situation where a 70-win mediocrity of a season is in some ways preferable to a winning one. You have to feel for the poor guy a little.

After reading it again, I realized it could've been the work of a smack-talking Met-basher. In that sense, this message is just immature and pathetic. Since I can't be sure though, I'll choose to regard it as the former.


9. Eric Hurley

Breast Enlargement Dallas sponsor(s) this page.

Enhance your appearance today!

Obviously this is a generic ad which doesn't demonstrate any particular wit. The sheer absurdity of it, however, caught me off-guard. What exactly could've been the reasoning behind it?

This ad doesn't approach you with a business-like handshake humbly requesting your interest, it invites, nay, exhorts, you to "enhance your appearance today!" And just how do they propose you improve your looks? Why, with breast enlargement, of course! Now obviously, if you happen to be male, the likelihood of you needing this particular service is pretty slim. No issue here, though! There are tons of women who want to check the statistics of a former Rangers pitching prospect who made five starts and had his career derailed by injuries! Right?


8. Ryan Braun

Willard Meier sponsor(s) this page.

What's to say? This guy's just a fabulous player.

What's to say indeed? We can all agree Ryan Braun is one of the best players in the game today, so why on earth should this sponsorship be recognized as anything but a straightforward, unremarkable statement of fact?

Oh...wait a sec. You thought he was talking about the guy on the Brewers? The MVP candidate? The Hebrew Hammer? Nope. Not that guy. The other one. Yeah, there's another Ryan Braun. This other one pitched for the Royals in 2006-07 and put up an ERA of 6.66. I think we can all agree that he is not, by any definition of the word, a fabulous player. Pretty sneaky there, Willard.


7. Tony Campana

Matt sponsor(s) this page.

Brett Gardner ain't got nothin'. Well, except the ability to get on base.

The comparison is striking. Both are lefty speedsters. Both play strong defense in mainly left and center fields. Both hit .259 this year. Indeed though, Gardner has the advantage in that all-too-crucial on-base percentage category, as he knows how to take a walk (and gets the occasional extra-base hit too).

Life as a Cub fan is never easy, and sometimes all you can do is cling to whatever similarities exist between one of your guys and a better player on a more-heralded team.


6. Pretzels Getzien

Dave Velazquez sponsor(s) this page.

Pretzels is an unfortunately-forgotten player. In addition to once winning 30 games, his nickname was Pretzels. That is awesome. I want to name my future dog Pretzels.

Like so many men once they reach a certain age, Dave here has gotten that twinge of desire to be a dog owner. As do all men at this stage of life, he's taken to dreaming about the name he could bestow on this canine companion, and what it would symbolize to posterity. His choice? Pretzels. It has an air of fun to it as well as a salty, rough texture. Surely this pooch will be a rugged, rambunctious little fellow who frequently comes home covered in dirt, yet maintains his endearing lovability with every flea bath. Such a heartwarming message, this.


5. Eric Bruntlett

Dan Mitsakos sponsor(s) this page.

Thanks for the '08 World Series, the game-ending unassisted Triple Play, and spending Summer 2010 in Scranton.

Scoring the winning run in two World Series games and accomplishing a rare in-game feat are pretty darn cool. They don't, however, necessarily make one a worthwhile occupant of a roster spot. Despite Bruntlett's semi-noteworthy place in Phillies history, he probably still has to pay for his own drinks in the City of Brotherly Love.


4. Bowie Kuhn

Al Fansome sponsor(s) this page.

In the neck and neck race for worst commissioner of all time, Selig has forged a little ahead of Kuhn.

I used to defend Selig to some degree. I thought he was too-often maligned because he made an easy target, and that many of his critics were simply knee-jerk blamers of the guy at the top. With the recent move of the Astros to the American League (necessitating year-round interleague) and the expansion of the playoffs, I'm fully and permanently in the anti-Selig camp. All I have to say to this message is "Preach it, brother!"


3. Fernando Rodney

Michael Shea sponsor(s) this page.

Fernando, save everyone their time. Next time just walk up and place the ball on a tee.

So I think what he's trying to say here is...Fernando Rodney is not a very effective pitcher. Tony Reagins' legacy lives on!


2. Bobby Cox

Robert B sponsor(s) this page.

I wouldnt let him manage the night shift at a day care center

Lost amid the Bobby Cox lovefest last year were the complaints he faced throughout his career about his teams frequently underachieving. Much of it was undoubtedly a case of polite people not wishing to speak ill of the soon-retiring. Now that Cox's farewell tour is over, he's become fair game, and guys like Robert here aren't afraid to take it to the online statistical resources. Old Bobby shouldn't feel too bad about this rather scathing comment, though. Lots of great managers would've made lousy security guards.


1. Ozzie Canseco

Baseball's first 40/40 man! sponsor(s) this page.

Canseco was a feared hitter and a great Celebrity Apprentice contestant. Err..wait. The Canseco brothers have fooled me again!

This one wins the award for making me laugh the hardest, which pretty much means I have to put it at #1.

I beg to differ about The Celebrity Apprentice though. Jose Canseco (or was it Ozzie?) was not a great contestant by any stretch of the imagination. The only thing that redeems his appearance was that immortal scene where he played catch with Gary Busey.


Sigh...another week of wading through BB-Ref sponsorships for my annual post, and it's already all over. Time flies when you're having fun. I realize that the prices on Baseball-Reference have gone up in the last year, but there are tons of reasonable options out there for those on a budget. If you want to keep the ultimate resource for the greatest game ever invented going, please consider sponsoring a page. Who knows? You might see yourself here next year!

The Best Baseball-Reference Sponsorships, 2010 Edition

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Last year my humble little blog received national attention for a post I made called "The Best of Baseball-Reference's Sponsorship Comments." It was linked by Big League Stew, Rob Neyer, Baseball Think Factory...shoot, the sucker went viral! It was one of my proudest moments, because after several quiet months of independent blogging I suddenly had readers as well as commenters! I'm eternally grateful to those who linked it, and to the sponsors whose cleverness I was privileged to spotlight.

That post went up exactly one year ago today, so I decided it was time for Part 2. Some of the sponsorships from last year's list are still around, while others have expired, but either way, none of them will be eligible this time. Reruns are boring, and besides, there were a ton of great new ones this year.

Since my "honorable mentions" post didn't get as much attention as I'd hoped, I thought I'd include the ones that barely missed the cut here. Though there are many more I could've listed, in the interest of space I'll limit it to my favorite eight. Here's the Just-Short Crew:

Eric Gagne

Review WCW Anonymous Sponsor sponsor(s) this page.

It is time to give Chris Sabo back his goggles Eric. CAREER OVER

Nice. Pro wrestling-style trash-talk and an old-school ballplayer reference. Two early-30's flameouts for the price of one.

Bobby Keppel

kcchia80 sponsor(s) this page.

If nothing else, he will always be remembered for winning Game 163 against the Tigers. Sure, he probably hit Brandon Inge, and sure, the pitch he got Gerald Laird to swing at for strike 3 was a mile out of the strike zone. But, hey, you won the game.

Sheesh. Talk about damned by faint praise!

Steve Adkins

I have no recollection of your existence. sponsor(s) this page.

Questions: Why was I so devoted to a team this terrible? Why do I have no memory of this guy at all? And why did he think the best use of his Ivy League degree was walking more than a batter per inning?

In the 20 years since Adkins stunk it up for the Yankees we're still waiting for a good pitcher to come out of the University of Pennsylvania.

Jeff Liefer

A broken door handle sponsor(s) this page.

"I don't want to be remembered as the guy who got stuck in the bathroom."

It would appear to be pure nepotism for me to include this one in the top ten, as Mr. Door Handle commented on last year's post to tell me I'd inspired him. Still, you can't deny that it's pretty funny.

John Lackey

Benedict Arnold sponsor(s) this page.

John Lackey won game 7 of the World Series as a rookie, and game one of the 2009 ALDS to begin a 3 game sweep. Then he betrayed the Angels for an 82 million dollar payout.

When even America's most infamous traitor thinks you're a dirty double-crosser, you know you're in bad company.

Corey Patterson

Walkoff Walk sponsor(s) this page.

Corey Patterson does a lot of things well. Batting leadoff is not one of them.

As adult narrator Kevin on The Wonder Years would say: "And there you have it."

Jason Schmidt

Darryl Abbate sponsor(s) this page.

The guy was an ace for the Giants, then signed with the Dodgers and got paid $45 million for just 3 wins. What's not to love?

Come to think of it, that did work out pretty well!

Rheal Cormier

Nofe sponsor(s) this page.

[To the tune of “King of Pain”] I grew up playing hockey but I changed my game I came south of the border to pursue my fame I’m the French-speaking lefty with the circle change And it is my destiny to be Rheal Cormier... Cormier... I will always be Cormier....

And now it's in your head. I couldn't resist mentioning this one because, well, who comes up with a Police song parody for a journeyman reliever? This Nofe person must be a true original.

So bravo, guys (or girls, for all I know). Maybe next year you'll find your way into the top ten! Speaking of the top ten, let's get to them now!


10. Willie Keeler

Phil Dellio sponsor(s) this page.

My whole problem when I used to play: I hit it where they were, if at all.

As a fellow terrible athlete, I know exactly how Mr. Dellio feels. How clever though, to take Keeler's famous quote ("Hit it where they ain't") and present the flipside so many more of us are familiar with. Hey, some of us were born to play the game, and some of us were born to pass on our appreciation of the game to others. It's not so bad on this end.


9. Brian Wilson

Mitch Williams sponsor(s) this page.

I'm still picking the Phillies to win in 5 games

I've noticed something in recent years: The San Francisco Giants just might have the funniest fans in baseball. I'm serious. It seems like every time I come across a Giant blog, website, BB-Ref sponsor, etc. I find myself chuckling. I hope they don't lose their edge now that their team finally has a World Series trophy. Self-deprecating pessimism can go a long way.

This message brings back memories of 2005, when we Sox fans fed off much of the same media disrespect. We also got Steve Perry to sing "Don't Stop Believin'" at the victory rally and busted a substantial drought, so the whole experience must've been déjà vu for Aaron Rowand and Juan Uribe.


8. Ryan Doumit

An Anonymous Supporter sponsor(s) this page.

Even though it's his position, let's be real; calling Doumit a "catcher" is like calling diarrhea "constipation"

Doumit's never had much credibility as a backstop, and it looks like he'll have to change positions before too long if he hopes to remain in the majors. This anonymous fan, employing a colorful simile, takes it a step further by claiming that Doumit is the exact opposite of a catcher. What is our friend Ryan then, if he's the acid to catching's base? Let's see...it means he can't call pitches, handle balls thrown his way, guard the plate, throw out baserunners...I guess he's either a designated hitter or a pinch-runner, then?


7. Joe McGinnity

Breckerplace sponsor(s) this page.

There's no Iron Man 2

Ideally, we'd have a unique appreciation for each of our Hall of Famers. It's more special when a player represents something extraordinary, whether it be a superlative achievement or a rare attribute that makes him induplicable. Joe McGinnity may be a lower-tier Hall of Famer, but be does have one thing that distinguishes him from the pack: the nickname "Iron Man." Why, it conjures up the image of a superhuman stalwart whose arm could be pushed far beyond the limits of realistic expectation! Indeed, McGinnity was a workhorse, pitching over 40 games and 300 innings all but one season of his ten-year career, exceeding 50 and 400 twice.

Cal Ripken may share the nickname, but in this era of pitch counts we look back on a hurler who could wear the "Iron Man" moniker with awe. McGinnity's place in baseball history is secure because unlike his cinematic nicknamesake, there is no much-hyped sequel.


6. Eugenio Velez

The McCoven sponsor(s) this page.

When sponsoring a profile, I have to be focused. I was focused. The thing is, it happened.

Confused? So was I at first. Seeing as how this message linked to the legendary McCovey Chronicles though (sponsors of last year's #1), I knew there had to be a really funny joke in there somewhere.

Fortunately, I got to the bottom of it: Back in April, Velez misplayed a Shane Victorino fly ball in extra innings which allowed a crucial insurance run to score. When discussing it with reporters afterwards, Velez's comment was: “In that situation, I have to be focused. I was focused. The thing is, it happened.”

It all makes sense now. To lose is one thing, but to lose because of such an embarrassing miscue? Maddening. There's not much a fan can do about it, except...sentence the player to a year of humiliation by posting a variation of his inarticulate, borderline-nonsensical postgame remark on his BB-Ref page! Like I said above: Giant fans are a witty bunch.


5. 1903 New York Highlanders

Burlin White sponsor(s) this page.

What could be worse than stealing another city's team? Fitting start for such a "classy" organization.

Before you say anything, yes, I know there's some debate over whether the New York Highlanders were in fact connected with the old Baltimore Orioles. I'm also aware that the Baltimore franchise was a mess and that moving it to New York made financial sense for the American League. Still, we non-Yankee fans have been beaten over the head with this notion that the Yankees epitomize "class" for such a long time that you can't blame us for wanting to puke every time we hear it. Sometimes a questionable-but-not-completely-meritless accusation is a small counterargument we can cling to. To this sponsorship message I say: Ich bin ein Burliner!


4. Gustavo Molina

Howard Megdal sponsor(s) this page.

WARNING: This is not an authentic Catching Molina Brother.

It's brilliant because it provides a necessary service. I still remember the first time I became aware of this player's existence. I was following a White Sox game on MLB Gameday and a name in the live box score caught my eye. "Molina? Catcher? Could it be?" I thought. Excited, I immediately scoured the internet until I received the disappointing confirmation that there wasn't a fourth Molina sibling in the big leagues. In the event of any future misplaced excitement, one need only visit Gustavo's BB-Ref page to see the distinctive yellow certificate of inauthenticity.


3. Brad Mills

A Friend in the Bronx sponsor(s) this page.

General Mills and Minute Maid Park. First in cereal, first in juice and fifth in the NL Central.

I love it. Clearly it's a play on the old Washington Senators vaudeville joke: "First in war, first in peace and last in the American League." It's a shame the Astros finished in fourth place, or it would've fit perfectly. We have to rank the Central teams by their Pythag if we want Houston to come in fifth. Perhaps "General" Mills is on his way to becoming the new Mike Scioscia.


2. Kevin Joseph

James Kunz sponsor(s) this page.

Without your clutch hold on 8/15/02 (2 runs in 0.2 innings of a 11-5 STL victory) we may well not have won the division. Go Kevin Joseph!

Just drips with sarcasm, doesn't it? This long-forgotten middle reliever, with only eleven big league appearances to his name, earned his one career "hold" in what ironically may have been his worst outing for the 2002 Cards. Is it any wonder no one really gives a crap about that superfluous statistic? Oh, and in case you were curious, the Cardinals had a four-game division lead that day and went on to win the NL Central by 13 games. With this sponsorship message, Kevin Joseph's little-viewed page becomes a shrine to his inconsequentiality.


1. Pat Bourque

Grant Sbrocco sponsor(s) this page.

In 1972 at the tender age of 9 I heard Jack Brickhouse say "and Pat Bourque is looking for a bat" to which I shouted at the television "I hope he doesn't find one" to this day I still get tickled when I remember this great moment in Cubs History

Oh, the joys of self-amusement. I know many a joke I've told can now be found in the "ones only I laughed at" file. Judging by the description here, little Grant's joke was of the same variety. No matter. I don't blame him for being proud to this day of that spontaneous rejoinder (and elevating it to the level of a landmark moment for the Chicago Cubs franchise) because, well...I'm still proud of my own wisecracks too. Even when no one else laughs, deep down you know that if someone with the right sense of humor had been present there would've been guffaws all around. I know I laughed when I first read this message, so Grant, if you're reading this: You're not alone, buddy.


It was a lot of work putting this post together, but it was worth clicking through an endless number of pages to uncover these various gems. Think you can come up with something better? Sponsor a page on Baseball-Reference and you just might see it here this time next year!

Best Sponsorship Comments: Honorable Mentions

After months of toiling in blog obscurity I finally broke through with a hit last week. My Best of Baseball Reference's Sponsorship Comments post got linked all over the internet, with Rob Neyer's ESPN blog generating the most traffic. How cool is that? To go from one hit on November 15 to 2,607 hits on November 18 was quite exciting, to say the least.

Since it proved so popular, I thought I'd share some of the sponsor comments I found that didn't quite make the cut. These people deserve some of the love too.


1966 Chicago Cubs

Andere Richtingen sponsor(s) this page.

Three Hall of Famers, one guy who without a doubt should be...and 103 losses.

Mr. Richtingen, if you read the comments to the last post, was actually responsible for two items on the list: the 1987 Cubs and Todd Hollandsworth. Perhaps he deserves some sort of lifetime achievement award for his commenting. I enjoyed this little riff on the Cubs' inability to win even with great players.


Shane Andrews

A Fan sponsor(s) this page.

September 26, 1998, Section 284, Busch Stadium, St. Louis. Three home runs were hit into the second deck in left field that Saturday: Mark McGwire's 67th and 68th, and Shane's career-high #25. Guess which one I've got.

There's a bit of self-deprecation in this one, a device I've always enjoyed. A forgotten homer by a Dave Kingman-esque third baseman won't fetch a ton of money from collectors, it'll only give you a good story and an excuse to sponsor said player's page.


Joe Borowski

Joe Meginnes sponsor(s) this page.

Here's to coming out of nowhere and providing a very effective arm out of the pen for the 2002-03 Cubs. It was rarely pretty, but you got the job done, foreshadowing your career turn as Indians junkballer Eddie Harris.

Nice. A reference to Major League. Lucky thing Borowski played for the Indians or Mr. Meginnes here couldn't have made such a great joke.


Deivi Cruz

An Anonymous Supporter sponsor(s) this page.

Someone gave him MVP consideration in 1997. Seriously.

Two homers, 40 RBI, three stolen bases, six times caught stealing, a .241/.263/.314 batting line, a 51 OPS+, -3 on TotalZone and he finished 25th in AL MVP voting. Come to think of it, that is pretty messed up.


Joe Walsh

Dan Lee sponsor(s) this page.

Got any gum?

You just know that with three different Joe Walshes in baseball history some wiseacre out there would have to sponsor one just so he could make a reference to the musician of the same name and his poorly-received 1987 album.


Eric Chavez

Death, Taxes, and Chavy flailing at high cheese sponsor(s) this page.

Some things never change. Chavy in the 2001 playoffs: whiffing on face-high fastballs. Chavy in the 2006 playoffs: whiffing on face-high fastballs. Chavy, when are you gonna learn that you're not supposed to swing at that??? For cryin out loud.

I like the sponsor's name best here: "Death, Taxes, and Chavy flailing at high cheese." We all have those players on our teams that we love despite the fact that we can always count on them to screw up in certain situations.


Doug Mientkiewicz

Catherine sponsor(s) this page.

For the glove, for the hustle, and most of all, for alienating all of Red Sox Nation by keeping that ball. . .Doug, I salute you!

With the increased obnoxiousness of Red Sox Nation since 2004, I think Catherine speaks for a large portion of baseball fandom here.


Doc Amole

More effective than his brother, Guac. sponsor(s) this page.

On three, ready? One...two...three...GROAN!


It's great to have a blog post get national recognition, but the credit should really go to these sponsors, without whose witty comments my post wouldn't have been worth reading.

Happy post-Thanksgiving weekend, everyone!

The Best of Baseball Reference's Sponsorship Comments

Most internet-savvy baseball fans spend a lot of time over at the ultimate resource, Baseball Reference. If you have, I don't need to tell you what a superb website it is. One feature I've always enjoyed is the ability to sponsor pages. In fact, I finally took the plunge this year and decided to sponsor some pages of my own. Those yellow sponsorship boxes are special. They can link you to interesting sites, give you fun facts or make you smile with a cool story or witty comment. I was thinking it a shame that some of those comments would be lost for the ages after the sponsorships expired, when suddenly I was hit with an idea. Why not pay tribute to some of the better ones by dedicating a blog post to them?

I compiled a list of candidates so long that I unfortunately can't share them all here. Perhaps later I'll dedicate a separate post to the honorable mentions. For now though, I'll just give you a top ten countdown, since it's a nice round number and all.

10. 1987 Chicago Cubs

Andere Richtingen sponsor(s) this page.

Seemed every game I attended that season featured Greg Maddux as starter. And he sucked!

In a different time, before he became one of the greatest pitchers in baseball history, Greg Maddux was a young Cub trying to solidify a place in the Majors. This fan undoubtedly remembers taking trips to Wrigley and wondering why the home squad couldn't find anyone better than this kid. On a last-place Cubs team you can imagine Maddux blending in with the ineptitude Mr. Richtingen witnessed all summer long. This comment serves as a sort of mental time capsule, which I find fascinating as well as humorous.


9. 1993 Boston Red Sox

RedsoxNation.com sponsor(s) this page.

"Click on the link to fast forward 10 years to my favorite baseball moment!", G Travis Crawford.

Who doesn't love the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry (well, besides pretty much all non-Yankee or Red Sox fans, that is)? Overhyped though it may be, the rivalry produces some solid smack. Take this sponsorship, for example. The link is listed as "RedsoxNation.com," which sets the reader up to think it'll be a pro-Red Sox moment. Of course, ten years after 1993 was 2003, the year the Red Sox lost the ALCS in seven games to the Yankees. Clicking on that link takes you to the page of Aaron Boone, whose homer sent the pinstripers to the World Series. How irate must some fans be who fell for it?


8. Len Koenecke

Eric Enders sponsor(s) this page.

"Please remember that Federal Aviation Regulations require passenger compliance with crew member instructions."

This comment won't make much sense to you if you're not familiar with Len Koenecke's untimely death. If you are, this comment should elicit one of those "that was so wrong" chuckles. For those of you unfamiliar, Koenecke was beaten to death with a fire extinguisher when he attacked the crew of a small plane he was riding on. Ahhhhh, makes sense now, doesn't it? Isn't that comment so wrong?


7. Dale Sveum

Brewer Fan Ange sponsor(s) this page.

I once saw him throw a ball from third base in to the fifth row of the box seats, well done. Also love the fact that a player who's career strikeout average (.260) is higher than his career batting average (.236) is our hitting coach. SPLENDID HIRE!!

There are comedians who make careers out of being bitter and angry, so we know those emotions can be played for their humor value. I think that's what Brewer Fan Ange was going for here. The punctuation and grammar mistakes convey a sense of muddled frustration, which is simultaneously cathartic for the sponsor and a source of amusement for the reader. What can I say? It works.


6. 1872 Washington Nationals

Bob Vesterman sponsor(s) this page.

They would've won the twelfth.

Perhaps you need to see the whole page to get this one. The joke is that the Nationals went 0-11 before folding. It's inspiring, in a way. It's almost as if 137 years later there's still one lone advocate who believes in this team. Does it matter at this point? Of course not, but it's a sentiment we can all appreciate. Mr. Vesterman repeated this joke on the 1873 Baltimore Marylands page.


5. Todd Hollandsworth

D.J., Stephanie and Michelle Tanner sponsor(s) this page.

You're the greatest, Uncle Joey!

Wow. A Full House reference? The joke here is that many people think Hollandsworth resembles Dave Coulier, who played Joey on the popular family sitcom. My only gripe is that D.J., Stephanie and Michelle didn't call the character "Uncle Joey." Jesse was the girls' mother's brother, which made him "Uncle Jesse." Joey was their father's college buddy, which made him just "Joey." It's clear to me that whoever left this comment had only a casual familiarity with the show. Despite the inaccuracy, it's clever enough to make the list.


4. Terry Francona

An Anonymous Supporter sponsor(s) this page.

Now we know! Welcome back to Woodrow Wilson, a loaf of bread for 10 cents, and The Curse. 2004 and 2007 are tainted beyond question. Welcome back to 1918 Red Sox Nation.

You may have noticed that there are a bunch of Red Sox-related pages that blast them for copying the Yankees' "spend to win" approach. I find it amusing, because I hate the Red Sox as much as anyone (well, maybe not anyone, since I don't hate them enough to sponsor a bunch of BB-Ref pages bashing them, but whatever). This comment is in the same vein, so I can appreciate it. I assume it was in response to Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz' PED revelations. The second sentence is what makes this one truly great. Listing historical markers to get your point across appeals to the intellect while tickling the funny bone.

This comment, presumably from the same person, is repeated on the 1978 Red Sox page.


3. Quinn

An Anonymous Supporter sponsor(s) this page.

The man, the legend....Quinn!

Several 19th Century players are shrouded in mystery. Their careers were so short and their names so common that it's nearly impossible to find any information about them. In some instances we don't even know their first names, as is the case with Mr. Quinn here. What better way to honor one of these unknown soldiers (and spend the $2 credit from BB-Ref's user survey), than to make a joke about his obscurity? It comes courtesy of "An Anonymous Supporter," whose decision to remain unnamed gives him some commonality with his subject. I wish I knew if that was intentional or just a great coincidence. Nonny, whoever you are, you made me laugh.


2. Ruben Rivera

Nesta Jones sponsor(s) this page.

September 1995. Rookies Derek Jeter and Ruben Rivera sit in the Yankees dugout, mouths full of Big League Chew, on the verge of stardom.

I like it. It paints a picture of a moment in time. Here you have two players at the dawn of their Major League careers looking forward to the glory that awaits. The future is bright and shiny, and they can't help but eagerly anticipate its arrival. Of course, the twisted irony is that one became a franchise icon while the other, the man being sponsored here, became a mediocre journeyman. Rivera was one of the Yankees' top prospects back in '95, but these days the only thing he's remembered for is stealing Jeter's glove and getting kicked off the team. How quickly the bright, shiny future becomes the disappointing, ignominious past.


Finally, the comment that beats all others I've encountered:

1. Marvin Benard

A high fastball sponsor(s) this page.

I loved this guy. He couldn't hit me with a tree trunk.

Genius. Pure genius. It personifies something as ephemeral as a pitch, then says that this hurtling sphere of cork and cowhide decided to pony up ten dollars and razz the player consistently baffled by it and its brethren. It's perhaps the most creative way one could pick on a former player's weakness as well as give a laugh to any fan who remembers it. Well done, McCovey Chronicles!


So there you go: the best of the best for 2009-10. Hopefully all these sponsors will renew them once they expire, because their brilliance deserves to live on and be enjoyed by many generations. If they decide not to renew, hey, the future generations can visit this blog.