Once again a new baseball season is upon us, so that can only mean one thing: theme song time! Who's the lucky artist this year? For 2010 it was Cheap Trick, for 2011 it was The Ramones, and for 2012 it is...The Monkees! The Monkees? Yes, The Monkees. The made-for-TV band that ended up putting an indelible mark on '60s pop music is a longtime favorite of mine, and I'll give 'em their due any day of the week! I also just want to say, for the record, that I had been planning to use The Monkees this year even before David Jones' untimely death, so this isn't an attempt to jump on any sort of nostalgia bandwagon. Let's begin, shall we?
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks: "It's Not Too Late," Justus, 1996.
To buy tickets, that is! Despite winning the division last year, the Diamondbacks had more success on the field than at the gate. Even in the playoffs they had trouble selling out. Will the fans in Arizona be inspired to show up at the ballpark more often now that this team has proven its worth?
Colorado Rockies: "(I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone," More of the Monkees, 1967.
The Rockies aren't among the league's heaviest spenders, but doggone it, when they have stars, they lock them up. Carlos Gonzalez is signed through 2017, and Troy Tulowitzki is signed through 2021. Clearly the Rockies have no desire to be a high-level farm club for the big-money franchises.
Los Angeles Dodgers: "We Were Made For Each Other," The Birds, The Bees and The Monkees, 1968.
Frank McCourt is finally gone, and in his place is none other than...Magic Johnson? Believe it. Yes, Johnson made his name in a different sport, but he spent his entire pro career in L.A., and the beloved athlete's face brings a ton of marketability to the franchise. He's looking to put the Dodgers on equal footing with the Lakers popularity-wise, and if he succeeds, his own popularity might reach levels it hasn't seen in decades. If this goes the way they're hoping, it'll be a win for both sides.
San Diego Padres: "Changes," Missing Links, Volume Two, 1990.
New GM. New young first base prospect. New logo. New uniforms. The Padres tend not to generate much excitement outside of their home city, mostly due to the fact that they often seem like a bland, stale franchise, but they weren't content to twiddle their thumbs this offseason. The next major transition might be the one to a new owner.
San Francisco Giants: "All Alone in the Dark," Changes, 1970.
Brian Sabean seems to be the last GM left whose front office doesn't have any use for Sabermetrics. Not that it's stopped them from putting together a World Series Champion, of course, but I'm sure Giant fans can only wonder what type of team they'd have with a more stat-savvy guy at the top.
NL Central
Chicago Cubs: "You Just May Be the One," Headquarters, 1967.
Many front offices have come and gone on the north side of Chicago. For the last several decades they've have had the goal of ending a significant futility streak, and all have failed in their efforts. But what ho! Who is this that now runs the show? Why, it's Theo Epstein, the GM who helped bust the title drought in Boston! This guy knows a thing or two about long-suffering franchises, and he very well could be the man Cub fans have been waiting for to get that pesky monkey off their backs!
Cincinnati Reds: "Don't Call on Me," Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd., 1967.
The Reds had a closer. His name was Ryan Madson. Before Spring Training was over, Madson was lost to elbow surgery and a closer-by-committee was looking like the route they were taking. Who are the candidates? Sean Marshall (career 7-for-14 in save situations), Nick Masset (4-for-18), Bill Bray (3-for-11), Aroldis Chapman (1-for-4) and Jose Arredondo (0-for-9). When Dusty Baker dials the bullpen, he'd better hope someone reliable is waiting for him on the other end.
Houston Astros: "Bye Bye Baby Bye Bye," The Monkees Present, 1969.
After half a century of history in the Senior Circuit, the Astros will be playing their final season there this year. As the distinction between the two leagues is watered down before our very eyes, we can only use this season to say farewell to another beautiful tradition.
Milwaukee Brewers: "Good Clean Fun," The Monkees Present, 1969.
Oh, the drama! Ryan Braun has brought a great deal of enjoyment to the Milwaukee faithful with his on-field heroics, and until this offseason it was never questioned whether he had done so by illegal means. His failed PED test last December suddenly put a cloud of doubt over his 2011 MVP season, and it took an unprecedented overturning of a test result to get his name cleared. The Cream City rooters can now kick back and relax, knowing that the great time they're having watching this guy play is unsullied by questionable chemicals.
Pittsburgh Pirates: "Just a Game," Instant Replay, 1969.
In Pittsburgh, there are some sports that are a pretty big deal. Steelers football? Yeah, that's one's practically a religion. Penguins hockey? Yeah, that generates many a turnstile click. Pirates baseball? Well, considering this team is probably looking at its 20th straight losing season, how can we expect the Steel Citiers to take it that seriously?
St. Louis Cardinals: "Hard to Believe," Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd., 1967.
It still shocks and horrifies me that the Cardinals are the reigning champions. After losing Adam Wainwright for the season, squeaking into the playoffs on the last day and being one out away from losing the World Series in consecutive innings, they overcame all the odds, and by no means deservedly (hey, this is my blog, and I'm free to throw my editorial comments anytime I want). Baseball, though, is made to break your heart, and it never stops us from coming back for more. After losing Albert Pujols and Tony LaRussa and replacing them with Carlos Beltran and a skipper with no previous managerial experience, they probably shouldn't be expected to repeat. Then again, I'm the same guy who said last year that they had no chance of winning it without Wainwright. With this franchise you just never know. They have a certain knack for making you miserable.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: "Run Away From Life," Justus, 1996.
That final day of last season surely leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of the Braves. If they'd won, they could've forced a tiebreaker for a chance to go to the playoffs. The fact that they lost at home after 13 innings though? Ooh. That's gotta sting. Indeed, they were only a tally short of preventing their season's death in Game 162. So close, and yet, so far.
Miami Marlins: "Star Collector," Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd., 1967.
Jose Reyes. Mark Buehrle. Carlos Zambrano. Heath Bell. All have been All-Stars, all have joined the Marlins for the 2012 season. Aaron Rowand would've technically counted too, if he had made the team. No longer are the Marlins a "develop-'em-and-trade-'em-when-they-get-too-expensive" organization, but one that acquires the established players.
New York Mets: "Tear Drop City," Instant Replay, 1969.
When you think of big cities in America, you think of New York. While the Mets are digging themselves out of the hole they've found themselves in the last few seasons, they still have a long way to go. You never have to ask a Met fan twice to feel sorry for himself (sharing a city with the Yankees tends to make one lose perspective), so the eye water should be flowing all over certain parts of the U.S.'s largest metropolis.
Philadelphia Phillies: "Look Out (Here Comes Tomorrow)," More of the Monkees, 1967.
Things are still good in Philadelphia, but with their best players aging, a so-so minor league system and Ryan Howard eating up way too much payroll down the road, Phillie fans had better cling to the present day while it lasts.
Washington Nationals: "Take a Giant Step," The Monkees, 1966.
With a revamped rotation and some exciting young up-and-comers, the perennially-lower-tier Nationals are in a position to make some noise this year. If this franchise could make its first postseason appearance since 1981, it would truly be a sizable stride forward.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: "I'll Spend My Life With You," Headquarters, 1967.
Did you see that contract they gave to Albert Pujols? Ten years as a player, then ten more years offering his services to the team, not to mention perks galore? By the time that thing expires the Cardinal portion of his career will be a distant memory. He'll be forever known as Albert the Angel (of Anaheim).
Oakland Athletics: "I Wanna Be Free," The Monkees, 1966.
Everyone knows the A's need to get out of Oakland Coliseum. Everyone knows a move to San Jose would make perfect sense. Unfortunately, everyone also knows the Giants aren't willing to concede their territorial rights to Silicon Valley. Right now the Athletics are pretty much stuck in their current situation. They see the waves out on the blue sea and can only look in envy.
Seattle Mariners: "All the King's Horses," Missing Links, Volume Two, 1990.
The last two years in King County, Washington have been noteworthy for their good starting pitching. Felix Hernandez won the Cy Young Award in 2010, their staff has been among AL leaders in innings pitched per start, and Cliff Lee, Erik Bedard, Michael Pineda and Doug Fister have all passed through. The Mariners are hoping their offense does a little more of the heavy lifting this year, but it'd be nice if they could continue getting strong contributions from their rotation.
Texas Rangers: "(I'd Go the) Whole Wide World," Pool It!, 1987.
The Rangers' international scouting is highly regarded in the industry. Their prized international signing this year is Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish, who could provide the team with the ace they need after losing C.J. Wilson. If there's a potentially useful player out there somewhere, the Rangers will track him down.
AL Central
Chicago White Sox: "Goin' Down," b-side, 1967.
The Sox went "All In" last year and failed to achieve results commensurate with the commitment. It led to Ozzie Guillen's firing at the end of the season, followed by the departures of Mark Buehrle and Carlos Quentin in the offseason. The Chisox don't have much in the way of youth, and the most noteworthy major leaguer they added over the winter was Kosuke Fukudome. I think it's safe to say that their place in the 2012 standings will be below that of their 2011 third-place finish.
Cleveland Indians: "I Don't Think You Know Me," Missing Links, 1987.
Fausto Carmona- er...Roberto Hernandez's false identity situation has been the biggest story of the Indians' offseason, and it's resulted in a reduced salary for the pitcher. Throw in the fact that Carmona- er, Hernandez has been wildly inconsistent throughout his career, and the Indians really have no idea what to expect from him if indeed he does play this season. Sigh...what are they gonna do with this guy?
Detroit Tigers: "Daddy's Song," Head, 1968.
Say, have you heard this little number before? The Tigers have a heavy-set first baseman named Fielder, and he even has a 50-homer season to his credit! It was true in the early-to-mid-'90s, and it's true once again. Many of us know about Prince Fielder's strained relationship with his father, but he's following in his footsteps regardless.
Kansas City Royals: "Nine Times Blue," Missing Links, 1987.
The Royals haven't had a winning record since 2003. While they play in a weak division and have several promising players, many of those youngsters are still developing, and there are plenty of holes elsewhere on the roster, like the pitching staff and the bottom of the order. While the future looks bright in K.C., the odds are good that this will be the ninth straight year without the Royals' hue of azure bringing over-.500 happiness.
Minnesota Twins: "Unlucky Stars," Justus, 1996.
Between Justin Morneau's career-threatening concussion, Joe Mauer's injuries that might move him out from behind the plate and Francisco Liriano's frequent health issues, the Twins haven't had the best of luck with their marquee players. If these guys can't be physically sound and performing at an optimal level, it looks like another long season is in store for Minnesota.
AL East
Baltimore Orioles: "Looking For the Good Times," The Monkees Present, 1969.
I think it's safe to say that the Orioles' fortunes simply haven't been all that good since they abandoned their old cartoon bird logo. Well, good news! That winsome little fellow is back, and the team now bears some resemblance to the O's of brighter days. Hey, it's a start.
Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees: "Pillow Time," The Monkees Present, 1969.
Are we officially Yankees-and-Red Soxed out? These teams are always winners because they can afford to throw money at just about any free agent they want, and it's a given that they're both going to be in the playoff hunt every year. Neither one has anything left to prove, and all the hype their "rivalry" generates is of little interest to anyone who's a fan of neither side. These two teams are supposed to be baseball's meal tickets, but let's face it: There's been nothing compelling about them for years. Throw in the fact that they're MLB's two slowest-paced teams and you've got a recipe for a snoozer anytime one of them is one the field. Are the mainstream media going to get the hint?
Tampa Bay Rays: "Sweet Young Thing," The Monkees, 1966.
Matt Moore is a kid with upside. He's got so much upside, in fact, that the Rays signed him to a deal that could potentially keep him in Tampa Bay for the next eight years. His time at the major league level has been thus far brief, but it's also been thus far brilliant. Truly, Friedman and Co. are high on this young man, and his performance in what should be his official rookie season is something people all over baseball are looking forward to.
Toronto Blue Jays: "Gettin' In," Pool It!, 1987.
The Blue Jays have had a pretty good team for much of the Wild Card era, but they've been unable to reach the playoffs due to the stacked division they play in. With the new second Wild Card, their chances of finding a spot in the postseason might be the best they've been since their 1993 title.
2011 ultimately went down in history as a nightmare, so the time has come for redemption! Teams, let's make 2012 one of the greatest seasons in history!
Showing posts with label theme songs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theme songs. Show all posts
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 31, 2011
30 Teams, 30 Ramones Songs
Last year I gave each team's upcoming season a theme song from the legendary Cheap Trick. This year each team is getting another theme song, only it'll be from another one of my favorite bands, the legendary Ramones. Let's dive into the punk rock archive.
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks: "Bop 'Til You Drop," Halfway to Sanity, 1987. Thanks to their hitter-friendly ballpark, Diamondback bats will be sending a lot of balls out of the field of play. Unfortunately, this team has little else going for it, so the hitters had better swing for the fences as much as possible.
Colorado Rockies: "It's Gonna Be Alright," Mondo Bizarro, 1992. The Rockies are rarely awful, even in years when they aren't contending. The inverse is true as well: when they contend they're never outstanding. If we know nothing else, we know the Rockies at the very least will be so-so.
Los Angeles Dodgers: "Love Kills," Animal Boy, 1986. Frank and Jamie McCourt surely loved each other at one time, if they no longer still do on some level. Unfortunately, all that's left of their beautiful romance is public feuding and a messy financial situation for the team they co-owned. Right now Dodger fans are more likely to quote the Ramones' view of love than Tennyson's.
San Diego Padres: "I Don't Care," Rocket to Russia, 1977. The Padres were in first place for most of 2010, and they still had trouble drawing spectators. Now Adrian Gonzalez is gone and the Padres are banking on the future again, so another apathetic baseball season appears to be in store for San Diego.
San Francisco Giants: "All the Way," End of the Century, 1980. After over a half-century in the City by the Bay, the Giants finally won a World Series last year. When you're on top the only thing you can strive for is to stay there, so the Giants are starting their course toward a hopeful repeat.
NL Central
Chicago Cubs: "The Job That Ate My Brain," Mondo Bizarro, 1992. It was clear that managing the Cubs had taken a toll on Lou Piniella's mental acuity when he moved Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen last year. Mike Quade handled the job well at the end of the season, but can he last a full one without losing his marbles?
Cincinnati Reds: "This Ain't Havana," End of the Century, 1980. Just two years ago Aroldis Chapman was an obscure amateur pitching in Cuba; today he's a first-class talent occupying a spot on a Major League roster. By the end of this season the Reds' young hurler could be a full-blown superstar.
Houston Astros: "It's a Long Way Back," Road to Ruin, 1978. It was only six seasons ago the Astros won the NL pennant. Today they find themselves a threat to finish in last place with a bare minor league cupboard. They have quite the uphill battle to climb if they want to reach the heights of the last decade.
Milwaukee Brewers: "I Can't Make it on Time," End of the Century, 1980. The Brewers have inspired a lot of optimism with their beefed-up starting rotation, but with several key players starting the season on the DL (Zack Greinke chief among them) they might be too far behind in the race by the time their roster is at full strength.
Pittsburgh Pirates: "Got Alot to Say," ¡Adios Amigos!, 1995. John Russell was a man of few words during his three years as Pirate skipper. With the vocal Clint Hurdle now at the reins, the Pirate clubhouse is going to have a much different feel to it.
St. Louis Cardinals: "Don't Go," Pleasant Dreams, 1981. With a top-heavy roster and Adam Wainwright lost to Tommy John surgery, the Cardinals' season is pretty much a lost cause. In St. Louis they won't be talking about how the team is playing, they'll be talking about their chances of keeping Albert Pujols.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: "I Remember You," Leave Home, 1977. "Hey, you look familiar! Aren't you that guy who used to be the Braves' third base coach?" "You bet I am, and after three and half years in Florida the Braves have brought me back as Bobby Cox's successor!"
Florida Marlins: "Garden of Serenity," Halfway to Sanity, 1987. For the last five years the Marlins have been the National League's worst draw. If you're looking for peace and quiet in southern Florida, you can always go to a Marlins game and enjoy the tranquility!
New York Mets: "We're a Happy Family," Rocket to Russia, 1977. With the Minaya administration no longer heading the Mets, the organization is starting to bear some resemblance to a functional unit of persons.
Philadelphia Phillies: "Come Back, Baby," Brain Drain, 1989. Philly fans never wanted Cliff Lee to be traded, and frankly, neither did he. That left only one remedy to the situation: the Phillies offered him a huge free agent deal and he accepted it! Baby.
Washington Nationals: "I Don't Wanna Go Down to the Basement," Ramones, 1976. The Nationals have settled into a customary last-place position over the last few years, but it won't stay that way if Mike Rizzo has something to say about it. The Nats' GM signed Jayson Werth to a massive seven-year deal, along with veterans like Adam LaRoche and Rick Ankiel. If all goes well, a losing culture will be nipped in the bud.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: "I Lost My Mind," Halfway to Sanity, 1987. Tony Reagins had to be frustrated after missing out on free agents like Carl Crawford and Adrian Beltre. Even so, a sense of desperation is no excuse for taking on Vernon Wells' grossly-overpriced contract. Could it have been a mental health issue of some sort? If Reagins wants to be forgiven, he might do well to claim it was.
Oakland Athletics: "You Should Never Have Opened That Door," Leave Home, 1977. Moneyball was a good book, and in September we'll know whether it makes a good motion picture. Looking back though, it might've been better if Billy Beane had never given Michael Lewis a peek inside his organization. To this day he has a target on his back, and many people still judge the legitimacy of Sabermetrics by his successes and failures. Oh well. Despite creating a vehemently anti-Sabermetrics segment of baseball fandom, it's possible the book did more good than harm.
Seattle Mariners: "I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You," Ramones, 1976. Mariner pitching allowed the second-fewest walks last season while Mariner hitting drew the second-fewest walks. Safe to say, the base on balls ain't very popular over Seattle way.
Texas Rangers: "I Don't Want You," Road to Ruin, 1978. Michael Young may be the highest-paid Ranger, but with the addition of Adrian Beltre he's little more than a rich man's utility infielder. Relations between Young and the front office have been strained all offseason, and his level of happiness with the defending AL Champs will be a topic of constant discussion.
AL Central
Chicago White Sox: "I Wanted Everything," Road to Ruin, 1978. Jerry Reinsdorf knows he's getting up in years, and he's sent a clear message to his organization: we're going for broke. The Sox's 2011 slogan, "All In," sums it up perfectly.
Cleveland Indians: "Don't Come Close," Road to Ruin, 1978. The Indians are clearly playing for the future, not the present. There are some promising youngsters in the organization, but the big club won't be anywhere in the vicinity of contention this season.
Detroit Tigers: "Babysitter," B-Side, 1977. What do you do when you have a talented but troubled young star? Hire a guy to keep an eye on him, of course! Former Major Leaguer Raul Gonzalez is being paid to supervise Miguel Cabrera, and for Cabrera's sake as both a person and a ballplayer, let's hope he can conquer his demons.
Kansas City Royals: "Something to Believe In," Animal Boy, 1986. The bad news is that it's going to be another lousy year in Kansas City; the good news is that the Royals' system is packed to the gills with top prospects. That hope for a brighter future should make it easier for fans to tolerate the current ineptitude.
Minnesota Twins: "In the Park," Subterranean Jungle, 1983. Target Field allowed the fewest homers in baseball last season. There'll be a lot of balls hit into play in 2011, but a sizable portion of the ones hit in Minnesota will remain within the grassy confines.
AL East
Baltimore Orioles: "7-11," Pleasant Dreams, 1981. Let's be frank: The Orioles simply aren't good enough to contend in the AL East. On the bright side, they have a plethora of veteran trade chips for the deadline, which should allow them to stock up for the future. Yes sir, July 2011 will be a month to watch in Baltimore.
Boston Red Sox: "High Risk Insurance," End of the Century, 1980. The 2010 Red Sox were a talented team hit hard by injuries. When you have a budget like Boston's, that's a signal to add more depth. With Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford now in the fold, these Red Sox have to believe they can absorb losses of last season's magnitude.
New York Yankees: "Too Tough to Die," Too Tough to Die, 1984. Yes, there are questions about their pitching staff, but come on. These are the Yankees we're talking about. Your team will have to fight them to the end like always.
Tampa Bay Rays: "Strength to Endure," Mondo Bizarro, 1992. Most teams on a micro-budget wouldn't be able to withstand the losses of three starting position players and most of their bullpen. The Rays, however, with their smart GM and knack for minor league development, still look like a possible contender in baseball's toughest division. This is an organization to be admired.
Toronto Blue Jays: "Glad to See You Go," Leave Home, 1977. With Vernon Wells' cumbersome contract off the books, the Jays can start preparing for the future with even more flexibility than they'd imagined. Nothing personal against a nice guy like Wells, of course, but he was such a financial burden that any team would've dumped him in a heartbeat.
It's been a long winter, but spring is finally here, and the world's greatest game is ready to be played! Let's kick back and enjoy every thrill the 2011 season has in store!
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks: "Bop 'Til You Drop," Halfway to Sanity, 1987. Thanks to their hitter-friendly ballpark, Diamondback bats will be sending a lot of balls out of the field of play. Unfortunately, this team has little else going for it, so the hitters had better swing for the fences as much as possible.
Colorado Rockies: "It's Gonna Be Alright," Mondo Bizarro, 1992. The Rockies are rarely awful, even in years when they aren't contending. The inverse is true as well: when they contend they're never outstanding. If we know nothing else, we know the Rockies at the very least will be so-so.
Los Angeles Dodgers: "Love Kills," Animal Boy, 1986. Frank and Jamie McCourt surely loved each other at one time, if they no longer still do on some level. Unfortunately, all that's left of their beautiful romance is public feuding and a messy financial situation for the team they co-owned. Right now Dodger fans are more likely to quote the Ramones' view of love than Tennyson's.
San Diego Padres: "I Don't Care," Rocket to Russia, 1977. The Padres were in first place for most of 2010, and they still had trouble drawing spectators. Now Adrian Gonzalez is gone and the Padres are banking on the future again, so another apathetic baseball season appears to be in store for San Diego.
San Francisco Giants: "All the Way," End of the Century, 1980. After over a half-century in the City by the Bay, the Giants finally won a World Series last year. When you're on top the only thing you can strive for is to stay there, so the Giants are starting their course toward a hopeful repeat.
NL Central
Chicago Cubs: "The Job That Ate My Brain," Mondo Bizarro, 1992. It was clear that managing the Cubs had taken a toll on Lou Piniella's mental acuity when he moved Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen last year. Mike Quade handled the job well at the end of the season, but can he last a full one without losing his marbles?
Cincinnati Reds: "This Ain't Havana," End of the Century, 1980. Just two years ago Aroldis Chapman was an obscure amateur pitching in Cuba; today he's a first-class talent occupying a spot on a Major League roster. By the end of this season the Reds' young hurler could be a full-blown superstar.
Houston Astros: "It's a Long Way Back," Road to Ruin, 1978. It was only six seasons ago the Astros won the NL pennant. Today they find themselves a threat to finish in last place with a bare minor league cupboard. They have quite the uphill battle to climb if they want to reach the heights of the last decade.
Milwaukee Brewers: "I Can't Make it on Time," End of the Century, 1980. The Brewers have inspired a lot of optimism with their beefed-up starting rotation, but with several key players starting the season on the DL (Zack Greinke chief among them) they might be too far behind in the race by the time their roster is at full strength.
Pittsburgh Pirates: "Got Alot to Say," ¡Adios Amigos!, 1995. John Russell was a man of few words during his three years as Pirate skipper. With the vocal Clint Hurdle now at the reins, the Pirate clubhouse is going to have a much different feel to it.
St. Louis Cardinals: "Don't Go," Pleasant Dreams, 1981. With a top-heavy roster and Adam Wainwright lost to Tommy John surgery, the Cardinals' season is pretty much a lost cause. In St. Louis they won't be talking about how the team is playing, they'll be talking about their chances of keeping Albert Pujols.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: "I Remember You," Leave Home, 1977. "Hey, you look familiar! Aren't you that guy who used to be the Braves' third base coach?" "You bet I am, and after three and half years in Florida the Braves have brought me back as Bobby Cox's successor!"
Florida Marlins: "Garden of Serenity," Halfway to Sanity, 1987. For the last five years the Marlins have been the National League's worst draw. If you're looking for peace and quiet in southern Florida, you can always go to a Marlins game and enjoy the tranquility!
New York Mets: "We're a Happy Family," Rocket to Russia, 1977. With the Minaya administration no longer heading the Mets, the organization is starting to bear some resemblance to a functional unit of persons.
Philadelphia Phillies: "Come Back, Baby," Brain Drain, 1989. Philly fans never wanted Cliff Lee to be traded, and frankly, neither did he. That left only one remedy to the situation: the Phillies offered him a huge free agent deal and he accepted it! Baby.
Washington Nationals: "I Don't Wanna Go Down to the Basement," Ramones, 1976. The Nationals have settled into a customary last-place position over the last few years, but it won't stay that way if Mike Rizzo has something to say about it. The Nats' GM signed Jayson Werth to a massive seven-year deal, along with veterans like Adam LaRoche and Rick Ankiel. If all goes well, a losing culture will be nipped in the bud.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: "I Lost My Mind," Halfway to Sanity, 1987. Tony Reagins had to be frustrated after missing out on free agents like Carl Crawford and Adrian Beltre. Even so, a sense of desperation is no excuse for taking on Vernon Wells' grossly-overpriced contract. Could it have been a mental health issue of some sort? If Reagins wants to be forgiven, he might do well to claim it was.
Oakland Athletics: "You Should Never Have Opened That Door," Leave Home, 1977. Moneyball was a good book, and in September we'll know whether it makes a good motion picture. Looking back though, it might've been better if Billy Beane had never given Michael Lewis a peek inside his organization. To this day he has a target on his back, and many people still judge the legitimacy of Sabermetrics by his successes and failures. Oh well. Despite creating a vehemently anti-Sabermetrics segment of baseball fandom, it's possible the book did more good than harm.
Seattle Mariners: "I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You," Ramones, 1976. Mariner pitching allowed the second-fewest walks last season while Mariner hitting drew the second-fewest walks. Safe to say, the base on balls ain't very popular over Seattle way.
Texas Rangers: "I Don't Want You," Road to Ruin, 1978. Michael Young may be the highest-paid Ranger, but with the addition of Adrian Beltre he's little more than a rich man's utility infielder. Relations between Young and the front office have been strained all offseason, and his level of happiness with the defending AL Champs will be a topic of constant discussion.
AL Central
Chicago White Sox: "I Wanted Everything," Road to Ruin, 1978. Jerry Reinsdorf knows he's getting up in years, and he's sent a clear message to his organization: we're going for broke. The Sox's 2011 slogan, "All In," sums it up perfectly.
Cleveland Indians: "Don't Come Close," Road to Ruin, 1978. The Indians are clearly playing for the future, not the present. There are some promising youngsters in the organization, but the big club won't be anywhere in the vicinity of contention this season.
Detroit Tigers: "Babysitter," B-Side, 1977. What do you do when you have a talented but troubled young star? Hire a guy to keep an eye on him, of course! Former Major Leaguer Raul Gonzalez is being paid to supervise Miguel Cabrera, and for Cabrera's sake as both a person and a ballplayer, let's hope he can conquer his demons.
Kansas City Royals: "Something to Believe In," Animal Boy, 1986. The bad news is that it's going to be another lousy year in Kansas City; the good news is that the Royals' system is packed to the gills with top prospects. That hope for a brighter future should make it easier for fans to tolerate the current ineptitude.
Minnesota Twins: "In the Park," Subterranean Jungle, 1983. Target Field allowed the fewest homers in baseball last season. There'll be a lot of balls hit into play in 2011, but a sizable portion of the ones hit in Minnesota will remain within the grassy confines.
AL East
Baltimore Orioles: "7-11," Pleasant Dreams, 1981. Let's be frank: The Orioles simply aren't good enough to contend in the AL East. On the bright side, they have a plethora of veteran trade chips for the deadline, which should allow them to stock up for the future. Yes sir, July 2011 will be a month to watch in Baltimore.
Boston Red Sox: "High Risk Insurance," End of the Century, 1980. The 2010 Red Sox were a talented team hit hard by injuries. When you have a budget like Boston's, that's a signal to add more depth. With Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford now in the fold, these Red Sox have to believe they can absorb losses of last season's magnitude.
New York Yankees: "Too Tough to Die," Too Tough to Die, 1984. Yes, there are questions about their pitching staff, but come on. These are the Yankees we're talking about. Your team will have to fight them to the end like always.
Tampa Bay Rays: "Strength to Endure," Mondo Bizarro, 1992. Most teams on a micro-budget wouldn't be able to withstand the losses of three starting position players and most of their bullpen. The Rays, however, with their smart GM and knack for minor league development, still look like a possible contender in baseball's toughest division. This is an organization to be admired.
Toronto Blue Jays: "Glad to See You Go," Leave Home, 1977. With Vernon Wells' cumbersome contract off the books, the Jays can start preparing for the future with even more flexibility than they'd imagined. Nothing personal against a nice guy like Wells, of course, but he was such a financial burden that any team would've dumped him in a heartbeat.
It's been a long winter, but spring is finally here, and the world's greatest game is ready to be played! Let's kick back and enjoy every thrill the 2011 season has in store!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
30 Teams, 30 Cheap Trick Songs
Baseball: America's National Pastime. Cheap Trick: America's Greatest Rock 'N Roll Band. Both baseball and Cheap Trick have brought me much joy over the years, so putting the two of them together basically amounts to an unbeatable joyfest. With the new season set to arrive any day now, what could be a more appropriate use of my time (and my blog) than to give each team in baseball a theme song from Rick Nielsen and Co.?
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks: "Standing on the Edge," Standing on the Edge, 1985.
With Brandon Webb returning and an upgraded infield, the Diamondbacks should be improved over last season. In a strong divison where no team is a sure thing though, it's unclear if it'll be enough to make them a contender. This is a season where the D-Backs could challenge for the Playoffs or end up doing nothing of note.
Colorado Rockies: "Walk Away," Busted, 1990.
The Rockies led the National League in walks last season, and their leading free pass-drawers are all returning. Looking strong after last year's Wild Card, they could walk away with the division title this time around.
Los Angeles Dodgers: "Scent of a Woman," Special One, 2003.
The biggest story surrounding the Dodgers this offseason wasn't about any roster move they made, but about owner Frank McCourt's acrimonious split with his wife Jamie. Thanks to the ongoing legal battle, the Dodgers had to cut back on their spending. They still have enough talent to contend, but the team's less-solid state has Jamie McCourt's essence all over it.
San Diego Padres: "Say Goodbye," Cheap Trick, 1997.
The Padres currently have a grand total of one major star: Adrian Gonzalez. It's apparent by now that they won't be able to keep the him much longer, so Padre fans had better enjoy him while he's still in the hometown colors.
San Francisco Giants: "Didn't Know I Had It," Woke Up With a Monster, 1994.
Not many people expected the Giants to be good last year, but their strong pitching proved to be enough to carry the team. With increased success comes increased expectations, and the Giants right now are hoping that their improved offense can carry the team to the next level.
NL Central
Chicago Cubs: "If It Takes a Lifetime," Rockford, 2006.
This won't be "the year." Most realistic Cub fans know that 2010 is almost certainly Season #102 of the World Series drought. Wrigley Field won't be hurting for attendance though. Despite the mediocrity those Cub fans will show up, and they'll be doing it for as long as it takes to get that Commissioner's Trophy.
Cincinnati Reds: "Everything Works If You Let It," Roadie soundtrack, 1980.
The Reds have a lot of talented pieces, pieces that could elevate them into contention. Their manager, however, is Dusty Baker, not exactly a renowned forward-thinker. Will he let his players win for him, or will he find a way to screw things up?
Houston Astros: "Rearview Mirror Romance," The Doctor, 1986.
Just a few short years ago the Astros were a perennial contender. These days they have a weak minor league system, an inept GM and a poor on-field product. The fans in Houston can only look directly behind them and fondly recall the glory days.
Milwaukee Brewers: "Can't Stop It But I'm Gonna Try," All Shook Up, 1980.
The Brewers' top two catchers as of right now are Gregg Zaun and George Kottaras, both of whom are below-average thief-nabbers (24% in the majors and 22% combining BB-Ref's major and minor league data, respectively). They won't be able to halt the running game in Milwaukee, but doggone it, they'll give it their best shot.
Pittsburgh Pirates: "Elo Kiddies," Cheap Trick, 1977.
With sophomore Andrew McCutchen currently their best player and top prospects Pedro Alvarez and Jose Tabata expected to make their Major League debuts this summer, the young 'uns are about the only thing Pirate fans have to smile about right now.
St. Louis Cardinals: "It's Up to You," The Doctor, 1986.
The Cardinals invested a lot of money in Matt Holliday, so much in fact, that their financial flexibility may be severely limited in future seasons. You'd better deliver, Matt. Cardinal fans are counting on you.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: "Auf Wiedersehen," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
After over 20 years on the job, Bobby Cox is stepping down as manager at season's end. He's meant a lot to the organization during his time in Atlanta, and his departure will surely be met with a fond farewell this fall.
Florida Marlins: "Ghost Town," Lap of Luxury, 1988.
The Marlins have put together some good teams in recent years, but their ballpark crowds have been sparse through it all. They've finished last in attendance each of the last four seasons, and have never finished higher than 13th in any of the last twelve. Expect Sun Life Stadium to have the look of a deserted metropolis once again in 2010.
New York Mets: "The House is Rockin' (With Domestic Problems)," Dream Police, 1979.
The last year has been pretty rough for the Mets' front office. Between the Tony Bernazard incident, the poor media relations and Omar Minaya's general ineptitude, things haven't been pretty. It seems likely that the current administration isn't long for the organization.
Philadelphia Phillies: "The Doctor," The Doctor, 1986.
With the acquisition of Roy "Doc" Halladay, the Phillies appear primed for a third straight pennant. The Phillies made some other moves too, but none nearly as significant as adding Toronto's former ace.
Washington Nationals: "Can't Hold On," Found All the Parts, 1980.
According to Fangraphs, the Nationals were 20.8 error runs below average last season, worst in the game by far. The big question going into this season is whether the National glovemen will be able to hold onto the ball.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: "Time is Runnin'," One on One, 1982.
The Angels have pretty much owned this division for the last decade. While they're still a solid team, the rest of the division is gaining ground. Their time at the top may be coming to a close soon.
Oakland Athletics: "Never Had a Lot to Lose," Lap of Luxury, 1988.
In Billy Beane's time as GM the A's have never been more than a mid-level team in payroll or attendance, and more often than not they've been near the bottom in those categories. When you don't have a ton of resources at your disposal, it helps to have a GM versed in the art of smart spending.
Seattle Mariners: "Can't Stop Fallin' Into Love," Busted, 1990.
Remember back in December and January, when you couldn't turn around without seeing a new article about Jack Zduriencik? After barely more than a year on the job he's become one of the most respected GM's in the game, making a fan out of everyone he meets. If his offseason moves prove fruitful, he could take the Mariners from 100 losses to the Playoffs in just two years.
Texas Rangers: "Takin' Me Back," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
If there's one thing you can count on with the Rangers, it's that they'll hit a lot of home runs. Their offense-friendly ballpark pretty much assures it. The Rangers have an up-and-coming team, and they'll no doubt be sending opposing outfielders toward the wall for years to come.
AL Central
Chicago White Sox: "Miss Tomorrow," The Latest, 2009.
Last decade was pretty good for the White Sox. Kenny Williams has kept them respectable through smart trades, but their farm system right now is pretty weak, giving them fewer trade chips to work with. The Sox look like possible contenders this year, but without those prospects, it may be a case of having a hit today and...well, you know the rest.
Cleveland Indians: "Surrender," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
With the trades of Victor Martinez and Cliff Lee last season, the Indians essentially forfeited any chance they had of contending this year. Cleveland fans shouldn't kid themselves: the Tribe is in rebuilding mode, so don't expect to win a whole lot.
Detroit Tigers: "You Let a Lotta People Down," Cheap Trick, 1997.
They were in first place most of last season and lost a one-game playoff for the division title. Then they traded away Curtis Granderson, their most popular player, to the hated Yankees. There's still hope for this year and the near future, but the events that transpired since last October have to be stinging the Motor City rooters.
Kansas City Royals: "You're All Talk," In Color, 1977.
Dayton Moore claims to value on-base percentage and other Sabermetric ideas...don't believe a word of it. His track record speaks for itself.
Minnesota Twins: "This Time You Got It," Rockford, 2006.
The Twins had no choice but to trade Johan Santana after the 2007 season; they simply couldn't afford to keep him. With Joe Mauer coming off an MVP season they weren't going to let it happen again. Thanks to the impending revenue leap from the opening of Target Field, Minnesota was able to lock up their popular hometown star with an eight-year extension. Hey, one out of two ain't bad.
AL East
Baltimore Orioles: "Lookin' Out For Number One," One on One, 1982.
Brian Roberts, the veteran second baseman, led the Orioles in WAR last season. The Birds' crop of promising youngsters may surpass him soon (perhaps even this year), but for now opposing teams know they need to watch out for the guy wearing that lone vertical digit.
Boston Red Sox: "High Roller," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
With the signings of John Lackey, Adrian Beltre, Mike Cameron and Marco Scutaro, plus the re-signings of Jason Varitek, Tim Wakefield and Victor Martinez, the Red Sox spent more money on free agents this offseason than any other team. Will it work out for them as well as it did for the Yankees last year? It just might.
New York Yankees: "On Top of the World," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
Hey, when you're the reigning World Champs, life is pretty dang good (unless, of course, it's some sort of 1998 Marlins-type situation, but we all know that was the exception, not the rule).
Tampa Bay Rays: "Stiff Competition," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
The Rays are a team loaded with talent. In most other divisions they'd be favored to win, but alas, they have to compete with the two-headed monster known as the Yankees and Red Sox. The Rays might make some noise this year, but they have a tough road ahead of them if they want to make the Playoffs.
Toronto Blue Jays: "Next Position Please," Next Position Please, 1983.
The Blue Jays finished second in 2006, third in 2007 and fourth the past two years. With Roy Halladay now gone, their roster is mainly populated by inexperienced players and mediocrities. Their journey toward the next sequential position in the standings seems to be moving along right on schedule.
Ahhh...I can't wait for Opening Day. There's nothing like baseball season...nothing. Truthfully, if I hadn't gone to that Cheap Trick concert in December, this offseason might've been even harder to bear. Say, as long as you're here, why don't you check out Cheap Trick's website, or to buy a copy of their most recent album, The Latest? You won't regret the decision!
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks: "Standing on the Edge," Standing on the Edge, 1985.
With Brandon Webb returning and an upgraded infield, the Diamondbacks should be improved over last season. In a strong divison where no team is a sure thing though, it's unclear if it'll be enough to make them a contender. This is a season where the D-Backs could challenge for the Playoffs or end up doing nothing of note.
Colorado Rockies: "Walk Away," Busted, 1990.
The Rockies led the National League in walks last season, and their leading free pass-drawers are all returning. Looking strong after last year's Wild Card, they could walk away with the division title this time around.
Los Angeles Dodgers: "Scent of a Woman," Special One, 2003.
The biggest story surrounding the Dodgers this offseason wasn't about any roster move they made, but about owner Frank McCourt's acrimonious split with his wife Jamie. Thanks to the ongoing legal battle, the Dodgers had to cut back on their spending. They still have enough talent to contend, but the team's less-solid state has Jamie McCourt's essence all over it.
San Diego Padres: "Say Goodbye," Cheap Trick, 1997.
The Padres currently have a grand total of one major star: Adrian Gonzalez. It's apparent by now that they won't be able to keep the him much longer, so Padre fans had better enjoy him while he's still in the hometown colors.
San Francisco Giants: "Didn't Know I Had It," Woke Up With a Monster, 1994.
Not many people expected the Giants to be good last year, but their strong pitching proved to be enough to carry the team. With increased success comes increased expectations, and the Giants right now are hoping that their improved offense can carry the team to the next level.
NL Central
Chicago Cubs: "If It Takes a Lifetime," Rockford, 2006.
This won't be "the year." Most realistic Cub fans know that 2010 is almost certainly Season #102 of the World Series drought. Wrigley Field won't be hurting for attendance though. Despite the mediocrity those Cub fans will show up, and they'll be doing it for as long as it takes to get that Commissioner's Trophy.
Cincinnati Reds: "Everything Works If You Let It," Roadie soundtrack, 1980.
The Reds have a lot of talented pieces, pieces that could elevate them into contention. Their manager, however, is Dusty Baker, not exactly a renowned forward-thinker. Will he let his players win for him, or will he find a way to screw things up?
Houston Astros: "Rearview Mirror Romance," The Doctor, 1986.
Just a few short years ago the Astros were a perennial contender. These days they have a weak minor league system, an inept GM and a poor on-field product. The fans in Houston can only look directly behind them and fondly recall the glory days.
Milwaukee Brewers: "Can't Stop It But I'm Gonna Try," All Shook Up, 1980.
The Brewers' top two catchers as of right now are Gregg Zaun and George Kottaras, both of whom are below-average thief-nabbers (24% in the majors and 22% combining BB-Ref's major and minor league data, respectively). They won't be able to halt the running game in Milwaukee, but doggone it, they'll give it their best shot.
Pittsburgh Pirates: "Elo Kiddies," Cheap Trick, 1977.
With sophomore Andrew McCutchen currently their best player and top prospects Pedro Alvarez and Jose Tabata expected to make their Major League debuts this summer, the young 'uns are about the only thing Pirate fans have to smile about right now.
St. Louis Cardinals: "It's Up to You," The Doctor, 1986.
The Cardinals invested a lot of money in Matt Holliday, so much in fact, that their financial flexibility may be severely limited in future seasons. You'd better deliver, Matt. Cardinal fans are counting on you.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: "Auf Wiedersehen," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
After over 20 years on the job, Bobby Cox is stepping down as manager at season's end. He's meant a lot to the organization during his time in Atlanta, and his departure will surely be met with a fond farewell this fall.
Florida Marlins: "Ghost Town," Lap of Luxury, 1988.
The Marlins have put together some good teams in recent years, but their ballpark crowds have been sparse through it all. They've finished last in attendance each of the last four seasons, and have never finished higher than 13th in any of the last twelve. Expect Sun Life Stadium to have the look of a deserted metropolis once again in 2010.
New York Mets: "The House is Rockin' (With Domestic Problems)," Dream Police, 1979.
The last year has been pretty rough for the Mets' front office. Between the Tony Bernazard incident, the poor media relations and Omar Minaya's general ineptitude, things haven't been pretty. It seems likely that the current administration isn't long for the organization.
Philadelphia Phillies: "The Doctor," The Doctor, 1986.
With the acquisition of Roy "Doc" Halladay, the Phillies appear primed for a third straight pennant. The Phillies made some other moves too, but none nearly as significant as adding Toronto's former ace.
Washington Nationals: "Can't Hold On," Found All the Parts, 1980.
According to Fangraphs, the Nationals were 20.8 error runs below average last season, worst in the game by far. The big question going into this season is whether the National glovemen will be able to hold onto the ball.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: "Time is Runnin'," One on One, 1982.
The Angels have pretty much owned this division for the last decade. While they're still a solid team, the rest of the division is gaining ground. Their time at the top may be coming to a close soon.
Oakland Athletics: "Never Had a Lot to Lose," Lap of Luxury, 1988.
In Billy Beane's time as GM the A's have never been more than a mid-level team in payroll or attendance, and more often than not they've been near the bottom in those categories. When you don't have a ton of resources at your disposal, it helps to have a GM versed in the art of smart spending.
Seattle Mariners: "Can't Stop Fallin' Into Love," Busted, 1990.
Remember back in December and January, when you couldn't turn around without seeing a new article about Jack Zduriencik? After barely more than a year on the job he's become one of the most respected GM's in the game, making a fan out of everyone he meets. If his offseason moves prove fruitful, he could take the Mariners from 100 losses to the Playoffs in just two years.
Texas Rangers: "Takin' Me Back," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
If there's one thing you can count on with the Rangers, it's that they'll hit a lot of home runs. Their offense-friendly ballpark pretty much assures it. The Rangers have an up-and-coming team, and they'll no doubt be sending opposing outfielders toward the wall for years to come.
AL Central
Chicago White Sox: "Miss Tomorrow," The Latest, 2009.
Last decade was pretty good for the White Sox. Kenny Williams has kept them respectable through smart trades, but their farm system right now is pretty weak, giving them fewer trade chips to work with. The Sox look like possible contenders this year, but without those prospects, it may be a case of having a hit today and...well, you know the rest.
Cleveland Indians: "Surrender," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
With the trades of Victor Martinez and Cliff Lee last season, the Indians essentially forfeited any chance they had of contending this year. Cleveland fans shouldn't kid themselves: the Tribe is in rebuilding mode, so don't expect to win a whole lot.
Detroit Tigers: "You Let a Lotta People Down," Cheap Trick, 1997.
They were in first place most of last season and lost a one-game playoff for the division title. Then they traded away Curtis Granderson, their most popular player, to the hated Yankees. There's still hope for this year and the near future, but the events that transpired since last October have to be stinging the Motor City rooters.
Kansas City Royals: "You're All Talk," In Color, 1977.
Dayton Moore claims to value on-base percentage and other Sabermetric ideas...don't believe a word of it. His track record speaks for itself.
Minnesota Twins: "This Time You Got It," Rockford, 2006.
The Twins had no choice but to trade Johan Santana after the 2007 season; they simply couldn't afford to keep him. With Joe Mauer coming off an MVP season they weren't going to let it happen again. Thanks to the impending revenue leap from the opening of Target Field, Minnesota was able to lock up their popular hometown star with an eight-year extension. Hey, one out of two ain't bad.
AL East
Baltimore Orioles: "Lookin' Out For Number One," One on One, 1982.
Brian Roberts, the veteran second baseman, led the Orioles in WAR last season. The Birds' crop of promising youngsters may surpass him soon (perhaps even this year), but for now opposing teams know they need to watch out for the guy wearing that lone vertical digit.
Boston Red Sox: "High Roller," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
With the signings of John Lackey, Adrian Beltre, Mike Cameron and Marco Scutaro, plus the re-signings of Jason Varitek, Tim Wakefield and Victor Martinez, the Red Sox spent more money on free agents this offseason than any other team. Will it work out for them as well as it did for the Yankees last year? It just might.
New York Yankees: "On Top of the World," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
Hey, when you're the reigning World Champs, life is pretty dang good (unless, of course, it's some sort of 1998 Marlins-type situation, but we all know that was the exception, not the rule).
Tampa Bay Rays: "Stiff Competition," Heaven Tonight, 1978.
The Rays are a team loaded with talent. In most other divisions they'd be favored to win, but alas, they have to compete with the two-headed monster known as the Yankees and Red Sox. The Rays might make some noise this year, but they have a tough road ahead of them if they want to make the Playoffs.
Toronto Blue Jays: "Next Position Please," Next Position Please, 1983.
The Blue Jays finished second in 2006, third in 2007 and fourth the past two years. With Roy Halladay now gone, their roster is mainly populated by inexperienced players and mediocrities. Their journey toward the next sequential position in the standings seems to be moving along right on schedule.
Ahhh...I can't wait for Opening Day. There's nothing like baseball season...nothing. Truthfully, if I hadn't gone to that Cheap Trick concert in December, this offseason might've been even harder to bear. Say, as long as you're here, why don't you check out Cheap Trick's website, or to buy a copy of their most recent album, The Latest? You won't regret the decision!
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